Connecting with a difficult leader or manager can be nerve-wracking for lower-level employees. When an employee has constructive feedback they feel compelled to share with their direct support, the fear of feeling awkward doing so, or worse—having their thoughts misconstrued or being retaliated against—can become so overwhelming that they opt to just keep it to themselves, which doesn’t benefit anyone.
It’s important for employees to understand how to deliver essential critique to help their managers improve. Here, 15 members of Forbes Coaches Council share the most effective ways they know to do just that.
Forbes Coaches Council members explore how to deliver constructive feedback.
Photos courtesy of the individual members.1. Keep Communication Open And Sincere
Having a difficult conversation with a bad manager requires the intent of the communication to be open, direct and sincere to instill intimacy and trust. The discussion is both an opportunity for the manager to gain awareness so that they can stop doing things that are not working, and an avenue for both parties to generate ideas on how the job can be performed better as a team. - Janice Lum, Arconik Coaching
2. Provide Input Using The SBI Model
I truly like the term “feedforward,” as we can’t change what we don’t know! Provide the input using the model Situation-Behavior-Impact model in a timely manner and present one request, not a laundry list. Have the conversation as soon as possible so that the behavior is fresh in both minds. Share the impact and finish by requesting what is preferred and how that will help in moving forward. - Janine Schindler, JAS Leadership
3. Discuss Your Ideal Collaborative ‘WOW’
Try this simple, nonthreatening approach: Get out in front of an issue before it arrives and design how you want to work with people. Discuss what your suggested collaborative “WOW” (ways of working) with them could be. Learn what their ideal ways of working would be. Cooperatively creating your WOW begins to reframe how each individual sees what matters and what is possible. - Jay Steven Levin, WinThinking
4. Share What You Need To Do Your Job Well
Make the conversation about what you need, not what your manager is or isn’t doing. Managing your manager is a skill that can be learned by understanding that a bad manager simply lacks knowledge. Managers aren’t always trained to delegate, provide clear direction and so forth. Treat the conversation as a chance to share “here’s what I need to do my job well and make you look good,” rather than as a critique of the manager. - Jessica Miller-Merrell, Workolog
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5. Keep Feedback Factual And Specific
Find a mutually beneficial time, such as during a one-on-one, and ask if you can share some feedback. Keep it factual and avoid making it personal. Start with specific examples. Avoid saying, “You do this.” Instead, say, “What I have observed is...” Next, share the impact this has on you and the team. Lastly, ask if they want to brainstorm alternative approaches that might be more effective, and offer your suggestions. - Shelley Hammell, Sage Alliance, Inc.
6. Close By Reiterating Your Intent
In tough conversations, declaring intent allows the feedback giver to guide the climate. After sharing a behavior and its impact, the giver closes by reiterating intent. “I value our relationship and am grateful to learn from you. However, when you ask me to prepare a weekly task list, it’s 60 minutes I could use elsewhere. I feel disempowered. Let’s problem-solve so I can keep learning from you.” - Leonora Zilkha Williamson, Platinum Rule Advisors
7. Keep The Mission As The Central Focus
You and your manager are aligned on a mission. When you provide feedback, one way to make that critical feedback more palatable is to focus on how the feedback will help your manager and your organization rise to new heights in accomplishing your mission. - Billy Williams, Archegos
8. Frame The Conversation Around Your Needs
Make it about you versus making them wrong. It is possible that these behaviors do work for another employee; however, each person has different needs for structure, influence, control, feedback, affection and so on. Framing the conversation around your needs and personality allows this conversation to be deep instead of defensive. This is where assessments can help, as you can point to objective data. - Natalie McVeigh, EisnerAmper
9. Consider The Other Person’s Point Of View
Considering another person’s point of view before offering feedback is crucial. Their perspective is different from ours, and we need to try to see through their lens first. It can often hold the clues we need to improve any situation. It’s not about blame; it’s about understanding. What is the current approach costing the other person? Chances are, thinking about it from that vantage point will help. - Kathi Laughman, The Mackenzie Circle LLC
10. Frame Feedback As A Need To Understand Better
Framing is critical. When negative feedback is delivered as a judgmental opinion, it does very little to build a good relationship dynamic between both parties. However, if it is framed as, “This is what I am seeing or experiencing—would you help me understand this?” then a new level of connection is created between both sides, and a growth mindset is laid as the foundation of the feedback conversation. - Agata Dulnik, Ph.D., Global Leadership Experts
11. Give Feedback In Bite-Size Chunks
Give feedback in bite-size chunks, via phone or in person. Your risk of being misunderstood is greater when you decide to write an email versus using these other methods. When someone is getting negative feedback, they need to receive it in smaller pieces so that it is easier to digest and a dialogue can be achieved. If you try to write it down and “explain yourself,” you will often create a negative perception. - John M. O’Connor, Career Pro Inc.
12. Don’t Position Yourself Emotionally
Accept that a manager may not be receptive to critique. Don’t position yourself emotionally to insist that you be heard. Doing the following will increase your chances of being effective: First, provide affirmation about something specific. Then, objectively describe the problem, “When X happens, it has Y impact.” Follow this up with a specific, concise idea or solution. End with some form of affirmation for the manager. - Christian Muntean, Vantage Consulting
13. Express Your Appreciation First
Start the conversation by framing it with your appreciation for the leader. What do you appreciate about them? Then, step into what you noticed, how it made you feel and your request. While sharing your feelings is often challenging, caring leaders want their people to thrive. Thus, being professionally vulnerable invites a constructive exchange. - Maureen Metcalf, Innovative Leadership Institute
14. Offer Alternatives
People accumulate habits that become second nature. So, if you ask them to change without suggesting a different approach, they will revert to their original behavior. Ensure the approach you suggest is feasible and fulfills your manager’s needs. For example, “Instead of having you check in with me a few times a day before my deadline, I’d like to give you a daily report. Would that work well?” - Loren Margolis, Training & Leadership Success LLC
15. Keep The Conversation Objective
Keep the conversation objective and focused on the facts. A neutral starting point is to ask yourself, “What do I need to be more effective in my job?” How can the leader change to help you more? Avoid making comparisons to others or bringing up what you have heard others say. What do you, personally, need from your leader? It might be more timeline guidance or more communication about strategy, for example. - Kristy Busija, Next Conversation Coaching, LLC
