As we get older, making new friends gets harder.
You will likely blow out more birthday candles than your parents ever did. The latest US Census data shows that life expectancy is expected to increase to 85.6 years by 2060, up from 79.7 years in 2017. So what are you doing to plan out these extra years?
Where do you even start? “With the end unclear and unknown,” says Ayse Birsel, author of Design the Long Life You Love, “most people are afraid to start.” Birsel, one of the world’s leading industrial designers, says designing your life is not any different than creating a potato peeler. She should know; she’s done both.
At the core are three foundational underpinnings needed for this process:
- Optimism - The belief that you’ll find a better solution no matter how hard the problem.
- Empathy - Put yourself in others’ shoes to understand what they want and need.
- Ask questions - Realize answers may come from unexpected, often counter-intuitive places.
As we age, our focus shifts from a pre-defined to a self-defined purpose. A ready-made purpose is outwardly defined in our youth, home environment, school, or places of worship. A self-made purpose comes from within and is triggered by retiring or having a second career, becoming empty nesters, or downsizing.
As we age, our focus shifts from a pre-defined to a self-defined purpose.
Our life’s purpose evolves. When we are young students, we work to learn. When we start working, we learn to work. As we have a family and take care of our elders, we live to work. Finally, as we retire, purpose becomes the fuel as we work to live our best lives. As we grow older, our life’s purpose becomes intrinsically, rather than extrinsically, motivated.
As we grow older, our life’s purpose becomes intrinsically, rather than extrinsically, motivated.
Making friends in the playground was a natural part of growing up. As we age, we become more reliant on our old friends and contacts and forget how to make new friends. It’s a shame as new friends, or as Birsel calls them, “fresh friends,” bring new perspectives, experiences, families, and broader circles of friends.
But how do you make new friends as you get older?
To make new friends, you need to build trust, have common interests and values and spend time together while not expecting anything in return. To ignite more positivity in your life and relationships, there are four things Birsel recommends avoiding. 1. Withdraw from toxic friendships. 2. Do not lose your identity in a relationship. 3. Never ruminate endlessly. 4. Avoid negative self-talk.
While our elders inspired the book, it is valuable and applicable to all generations. This book is the roadmap for the rest of your life, the fulfilling one you will create.
