One of the most challenging a person can do is view themselves objectively. It might feel like second nature to observe, analyze and conjecture on the actions and behavior of others; when it comes to seeing the truth about ourselves and our own situations, however, the picture isn’t always so clear.
Coaches often help their clients see through the false notions and narratives they have built around themselves and their careers, actions and behaviors so that they can better understand their present reality and more effectively shape their future. Here, 15 members of Forbes Coaches Council discuss ways they help clients gain a clearer perspective on themselves and the areas they need to improve.
Forbes Coaches Council members share ways to help coaching clients view themselves and their situations objectively.
Photos courtesy of the individual members.1. Use Storytelling To Draw Connections
I often use stories of myself or others who have had similar challenges to connect the client to the problem. After all, it’s only human nature to not be 100% introspective. I then ask what the possible outcomes may be if their approach differs. This helps clients work through possibilities they may not have had the time or patience to explore. - Wendy Fong, Chief Gigs
2. Help Them Create An Epic Morning Routine
Most of the time, people fail to see how a good morning routine can positively impact their confidence levels. I had a client, a mom who was out of work for over four years and had recently moved to Canada. She thought she needed a job to resolve her confidence issues, but once we created an epic morning routine, she felt immensely confident within three weeks of consistently executing it. - Prasha Sarwate, Believe In Your Brilliance LLC
3. Help Them Distinguish Decisions From Outcomes
I once coached a leader who felt guilty for a past decision that went badly. She doubted her ability to make good choices in the future. I introduced her to the principle that the quality of decisions is distinct from the quality of outcomes. She realized that her past decision was good, but she’d had an unlucky outcome. Now, she focuses on making the best decision she can with the info she has. - Michelle Florendo, Powered By Decisions, LLC
4. Offer The Perspective Of A ‘Growth Mindset’
Very often, I get into a situation where a client isn’t able to recognize the real problem themselves. In most cases, they are lacking a perspective. And what I do is offer them a perspective: a perspective of getting away from a fixed mindset and moving toward a “growth mindset.” This makes them more resilient in responding to their emotions and feelings and increases their self-awareness. - Nagesh Sharma, Flowsphere India Private Limited
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5. Use Blended Story Work For Self-Awareness
Self-awareness equals success. By holding mirrors up to clients and using blended story work, I’ve witnessed countless breakthroughs, revealing belief systems and helping people realize why they behave the way they do. Empowering mindset and behavior strategies, such as daily rituals, self-reflection and accountability, have saved relationships, healed anxiety and transformed businesses, careers and lives. - Andrea Callanan, Andrea Callanan
6. Use The Voice Dialogue Method
A client came to me with a symptom of imposter syndrome: the inability to say “no” to her boss. Using a method called Voice Dialogue, I spoke directly to the “pleaser” part of her to identify the vulnerability underneath: the fear of being rejected and alone. In doing so, she gained the ability to recognize her “pleaser” and get a degree of separation from its agenda to regain real choice in her life. - Hannah Roberts, Breakthrough
7. Use Reflection Exercises To Uncover New Realizations
A client was “voluntold” that he needed coaching. As a manager, he was perceived as a bully. I facilitated an exercise where he first brought to mind an amazing manager and then a toxic manager he’d had in his past. He considered questions about the managers’ actions and the resulting impact. His epiphany came when I asked him what he needed to do more and less of, in order to emulate the amazing manager. - Deborah Goldstein, DRIVEN Professionals
8. Be Honest, Kind, Focused And Face-To-Face
Being honest, kind, focused and face-to-face whenever possible are four top hallmarks of helping a client who has something holding them back, especially when it stands between them and employment. Think it through and have a game plan for sharing uncomfortable news safely and calmly. Remind them that they invested with you due to trust and have resources readily available for the next steps. - Laura DeCarlo, Career Directors International
9. Review Results And Build A Strategic Workback Plan
Our results reveal what is being undermined in our lives. I review the outcome my client wants to create and build a strategic workback plan to get them there. We compare the mental, emotional and business strategies to achieve results and discuss the changes required for alignment. - Tanya Chernova, Tanya Chernova Global Corp
10. Reflect On Tough Situations Involving Others
I always focus my coaching on a fundamental philosophy: “It’s not about you.” After introducing and discussing this concept, I ask my clients to think about recent times when they had tough conversations or made decisions involving others and how they approached those. By reflecting on these events, they can very often realize that they were focused on themselves and not others. - John Lowe, Ty Boyd, Inc.
11. Ask Others What They Admire About The Client
One of my favorite exercises for my clients is to ask at least five people what they admire about my client (this could be strengths, accomplishments, character and so on.). I also ask what they’ve been recognized for in the past. Many times, this starts a conversation where we can connect the dots between what others see in them, their accomplishments and what makes them stand out in their space. - Sharissa Sebastian, Leadership Mastery Alliance
12. Give Them Space To Explore Their Own Behavior
Clients often have old messaging that is no longer serving them running in the background of their minds. Sometimes, they have little to no awareness of what these messages are or where they came from. They simply know they are somehow blocked by their own behavior. Giving a client space to explore this behavior and asking them powerful, thought-provoking questions can be very empowering for them. - Lori Wilson-Hudson, Energy Wellness Coaching
13. Use A Tracking Tool To Help Focus Their Attention
I generally use a tracking tool over a period of time to help focus the client’s attention where I want to call it. Tools such as journals, diaries or tracking sheets help draw attention to repeat actions or behaviors and help them join the dots between actions and consequences. This process also helps clients own the repeat actions and see how they themselves might hamper their success. - Rittu Sinha, The Balanced Bandwagon
14. Balance 360 Assessments With Self-Awareness Exercises
A well-facilitated assessment can kick-start the process for leaders. Even if they are aware, it can expand their input beyond those whose input they regularly seek. They can then test the feedback to see how often it is accurate and how to mitigate the less effective behaviors. - Maureen Metcalf, Innovative Leadership Institute
15. Leverage Neurolinguistic Programming
I am a big fan of neurolinguistic programming, or NLP, where we look for a client’s congruence—or lack thereof. Once we point out an obvious incongruence, the client’s reaction is that of an “aha!” moment. In absence of judgment, that is contemplated upon, leading to breakthrough thinking and new awareness. - Agata Dulnik, Ph.D., Global Leadership Experts
