How to Be a People-Pleaser and Still Be True to Yourself
“I can’t give you a sure-fire formula for success, but I can give you a formula for failure: try to please everybody all the time.” Herbert Bayard Swope, first recipient of the Pulitzer Prize
You always seek to please someone.
There are two persons to please. If you add God there are three.
- Yourself.
- Others.
- God.
The person you seek to please has power in your life.
Quality of life hinges on the expectations of the person you choose to please.
How people-pleasers fail:
You dilute your unique contribution when you lose yourself to people-pleasing.
You dilute yourself when you…
- Pretend to agree.
- Feel responsible for other people’s feelings.
- Need praise to approve of yourself.
- Can’t say no.
- Avoid tough conversations.
- Don’t ask for what you want.
- Can’t take care of yourself.
15 Signs You’re a People-Pleaser
People-pleasing is self-defeating when you violate your values. Use self-knowledge and social-knowledge to build pleasing relationships.
How people-pleasers succeed:
- Learn how to please others by analyzing your ability to please yourself.
- Avoid self-defeating behaviors to gain approval.
- Enjoy pleasing others, but don’t need it. Enjoyment isn’t neediness.
- Self-interest motivates you to bring your best.
- Work to please the person who signs your paycheck.
- Seek to please a noble or admirable person.
- Say no clearly and kindly. You’re an unhealthy people-pleaser if you can’t say no.
Bonus: Make decisions. Indecisive leaders – who need to please everyone – end up pleasing no one.
Learn how to be a healthy people-pleaser. Every successful person knows how to please others.
All your time is spent to please someone. Even when you seek to please others, there is an element of self-interest.
The more people you please, the more successful you become.
What’s the difference between healthy and unhealthy people-pleasing?
The difference is one that ensures you remain healthy physically and have healthy deserving relationships with people.
Thanks cvnagarajan. In my own life the difference is about neediness.
I wonder for some, if changing one word in this quote would make a difference. Replace “the” with “your”: “Quality of life hinges on your expectations of the person you choose to please”. I think they both come into play at times.
Good morning, Robb. Fascinating thought. I appreciate you taking a moment to share your insight. Replacing ‘the’ with ‘your’ opens another avenue of thought and application. Brilliant.
What’s the difference between healthy and unhealthy people-pleasing?
Unhealthy people pleasing–you are motivated to have the other person like you.
Healthy people pleasing–you are motivated to do what’s right and like yourself for doing it.
Ugh. Too often I fall into the trap of pleasing others before myself. I lose in the end because I become over-committed, and the quality of my work suffers. In recent years, I have finally taught myself that it’s OK to say “no” sometimes. My supervisor helped me with responding to requests that were impossible for me to fulfill by just stating that I don’t have the capacity. The requestor backs off, usually.
This is a powerful message. Lots to unpack and think about. Thank you!
The person you seek to please has power in your life. – Game changer for me! Just wow!