Why It's Important To Listen In A World Full Of Talkers

By Renee Goyeneche—

Being heard is a fundamental human need, and data shows that people are happier and healthier when they feel understood. As such, effective communication is critical to our success and well-being in many contexts.

Advice to find your voice can be especially valuable in the workplace because your professional worth is often determined by what others feel you bring to the table. Organizational dynamics can be political, and those in favor receive more opportunities to strengthen their credibility and influence.

A consistent and knowledgeable tone allows others to recognize your talents and expertise.

However, it's important to understand the line between contributing to a conversation and dominating it. People quickly grow impatient with constant verbal processing because no one enjoys being held conversationally hostage as someone else workshops their own ideas. You're unlikely to win fans if you weigh in on every topic and your comments don't add value to the conversation.

It takes a certain amount of self-awareness, but knowing when people have hit their limit for listening is an important skill to cultivate. If you're not getting constructive verbal feedback or responsive body language, it's probably time to stop talking.

More importantly, when you dominate the conversation, you deny others a fair opportunity to contribute. Every team needs to understand that a collaborative effort lives or dies based on how successfully its members interact. Still, those in leadership roles bear the most responsibility because they can most easily influence or correct a team's dynamic.

Tips For Leadership: Listening For The Quiet In Meetings

Managers speak more in meetings. It's only natural because it's their job to ask important questions and provide direction. The same is true of anyone in a leadership position; research supports the idea that the "highest ranking" person in any group typically controls fifty percent of the conversation. That leaves the other fifty percent up for grabs, but it's rarely an equitable division; some people barely speak at all. What's more, three segments of the workforce are more routinely silent: introverts, women, and those who work remotely.

Now, think about the fact that some people tick all three boxes. Do they have a voice?

It's hard to examine meeting dynamics while participating in or running them. However, they're well worth exploring, so consider this exercise:

• At the outset of a meeting, let team members know you're recording the discussion for later review. This is easy to do thanks to technology and a commonplace occurrence in Teams and Zoom meetings.
• After the meeting, play back the session, and listen objectively to who does most of the talking. Avoid the urge to focus on the loudest, most decisive talkers. Instead, listen for the quiet voices and watch how those people interact.

Now, consider why those people stayed quiet.

It could be that the team is discussing a project that does not require their direct involvement. They could be distracted because they're trying to multitask during the meeting. Or maybe they came to the meeting ill-prepared and hoped if they just stayed quiet, no one would notice.

Another possibility? They may not feel psychologically safe, which can happen in environments where people feel ignored, patronized or criticized when they speak up. It's also true if they work with personalities who co-opt their ideas and take credit for their work.

Ask yourself these questions about your team's silent members:

• If you spoke to those same people one-on-one, would they contribute differently? Being more open in an intimate setting might indicate they don't feel heard in a group discussion.
• Do strong personalities dominate the conversation and make it hard to participate? A common complaint from quieter personalities is, "I can't get a word in edgewise."
• Are they afforded the opportunity to provide feedback? Direct questions like "Suzanne, what do you think?" provide a better opening for quiet personalities. A non-specific request such as "Does anyone have an opinion?" will almost certainly invite the forceful personalities to keep talking.
• Are quieter personalities interrupted or talked over when they do speak up? If you observe this, pay close attention to whether that person tries again to offer feedback. Odds are, they won't. Quieter, more introverted personalities are less likely to jump into the fray as a matter of course. If they do try to insert their opinion, they won't repeat themselves, talk louder or contribute more to make themselves heard. If no one's listening, they simply stop talking.
• Does your (or other members of the team's) demeanor suggest that the matter is closed before a quiet personality has had the chance to weigh in? If body language or facial expressions indicates feedback is not welcome, don't be surprised when they don't jump in with suggestions.

If your end goal as a leader is to have a well-balanced, high-performing team, it's critical that all members feel a sense of psychological safety within that space. Without it, your organization loses the benefits of a think tank because team members hesitate to offer up ideas or concerns.

Also, remember that the loudest talkers are not necessarily the most educated or knowledgeable. It's important to understand the difference between people who genuinely seek to contribute and those who simply demand to be heard.

Renee Goyeneche: I am a writer and research editor focusing on information that benefits women, children, and families. Find me on Twitter and blogging at Imperfect Perceptions.