Now's the time to prepare your mindset for a financially successful year ahead.
As a woman, have you ever set yourself a financial goal - perhaps to make a certain number of sales or finally bring in those five-figure months - only to find that you never achieve it? No matter how hard you try, something always gets in the way, leading you to the conclusion that, as you’d suspected all along, you’re obviously not as “good” or “lucky” as others who seem to find it easy to get what they want?
Well, if it makes you feel any better, this isn’t actually your fault and, according to two financial mindset coaches I spoke to, is within your control to change.
As we know, women entrepreneurs still get a harder time of it than men when it comes to money - an understatement if ever there was one. We’re still struggling with the gender pay gap (in fact, as of November 20, we are officially working for free for the rest of the year), are underrepresented in venture capital (meaning we’re less likely to receive investment funding) and, according to the Global Entrepreneurship Monitor, receive “little cultural support,” when it comes to running a business:
“There are stereotypes that plague women entrepreneurs in access to key resources,” the report found. This impacts entrepreneurial perceptions (startup skills, opportunity recognition, no fear of failure), especially as they relate to women’s self-confidence as entrepreneurs.”
This paints quite a bleak picture, doesn’t it? Particularly as these are societal conditions unlikely to change in the immediate future. But there are elements within our control - most notably, our mindsets.
Whether you believe in the concept of manifestation or not, there is scientific evidence to suggest that our subconscious shapes our reality and the ‘autopilot’ settings each of us is working from will govern how quickly we achieve our goals.
To put this to the test, I spoke to two experts whose life’s work revolves around reprogramming women’s mindsets to achieve greater success. The first was Polly Alexandre, a success and transformation coach with a BA Hons Degree in Psychology who’s on a mission to help women “write a new story” about money and the second was Annabella Zeiddar, a transformational therapist who helps women rebuild confidence in both body and mind.
Both share the experience of seeing their clients’ conscious desires at odds with the deeply rooted beliefs they picked up in childhood both at home and from society.
“Our deep-rooted beliefs about money are formed during our impressionable early childhood years, from what we see, hear and experience around us - particularly from our parents, caregivers, and teachers,” explains Annabella.
These “beliefs” Polly describes as “programming” and are often “inherited,” from the environment we start out in.
This, of course, makes complete sense. Just as you are more likely to be bilingual if one of your primary caregivers continually speak to you in two different languages, you’re more likely to see financial success as easy to achieve if you grew up in an environment where that was regularly demonstrated.
“The actions you take are determined by your belief system, and at least 85% of your belief system is subconscious – which means you are literally unaware of it,” explains Polly. “So you can consciously be ‘trying’ to make more money or ‘trying’ to ‘save’ more money, but your hidden subconscious beliefs cause you to sabotage that effort, because they see having more money as unsafe in some way.”
“So if as a child we heard our parents arguing over money,” Annabella suggests by way of example, “we may have created a subconscious belief that money brings trouble and stress.”
The reasons women, in particular, struggle with this? It comes back to that societal conditioning we’re constantly battling - that money is hard to come by for us and we don’t deserve to understand or have as much of it as men.
“In many cases, we are only the first or second generation of women to be financially independent,” observes Polly. “There is still a lot of programming in society, certain cultures and families that says you have to choose between being a mother and a success in your career, or that you should expect to earn less as a woman.”
This is reflected in the beliefs that both Polly’s and Annabella’s clients typically have when they start the process of reprogramming. “‘I’m not worthy of a comfortable, easy life,’ ‘I don’t know enough to charge or earn more,’ and ‘I can’t have it all,’ are all common beliefs I see in my clients,” says Annabella.
So what can we do about it? How do we reprogram our mindsets so that they work with us rather than against us as we go for our goals in 2023?
Straight from the vaults of Polly and Annabella’s coaching mastery, here are some techniques you can try at home over the holiday period to get your head in the game for a financially successful year ahead.
Make a new relationship pact with money
We can’t deny that money plays a huge part in our lives and that glib statements such as “I don’t care about money,” and “money doesn’t matter,” are nice in theory but don’t actually work in the real world. Acknowledging that, then, we must also agree that treating money with the same love and respect we should treat any other important relationship in our lives is paramount to having a good experience with it.
“[You need to] decide what you would like your relationship with money to be like - just like with a partner,” advises Polly. “Think about how you want it to feel and write it out as an affirmation.”
Make an inventory
Both Annabella and Polly have seen their clients make great strides simply by becoming aware of the money thoughts they’re looping on, as it’s this awareness that allows for changes to be made and, as Annabella points out, “a belief is simply a thought you think over and over again.”
As you go about your daily life, Annabella suggests writing down the exact wording of any thought that crops up around money. “Carry out a thought inventory for the next 48 hours, and make a note of any limiting belief you have.”
Polly recommends also taking a look at your childhood. “List out all the things your parents told you or showed you about money. {whether} spoken or through their behavior or relationship with money.”
The goal with these exercises is to get a clear picture of your current ideas about money and, much as Marie Kondo suggests when decluttering, getting rid of any that don’t “spark joy.”
“You can make a conscious choice about what to hold on to and what is no longer serving you,” Polly says. “You get to make your money rules.”
Forgive yourself
There are very few of us who’ve managed to get through life completely financially unscathed - whether a poor decision regarding an investment or a period in which you wracked up debt, most of us have a money memory that still makes us feel ashamed when we think of it.
Polly believes that in order to move forward with financial beliefs that are more beneficial to us, we first have to let go of these closet skeletons.
“Write down a list of all your money wounds,” she advises. “Include all the shame and drama you experienced around money in your lifetime, from credit card debt, student loans, divorce, inheritance disputes, poverty, arguments about money, being overlooked for a raise or underpaid, poor investments, being cheap with yourself, over-giving, losses, to poor money management. Give yourself permission to let go and forgive yourself and others.”
This forgiveness can come in the form of acknowledging how that behaviour was the best choice you could have made at the time, or defining in what ways it served a purpose - either as a lesson or in the skills it gave you - that will help you in the future.
Reinforce the positives
As Annabella explained, a belief is simply a repeated thought, so it stands to reason that if we replace old negative money thoughts with more positive ones, with repetition, they will eventually form a new, much healthier, mindset.
Annabella suggests creating three to five new “powerful affirmations” that stand in direct opposition to old and unhealthy ones: “For example, ‘I will never be debt free’ becomes ‘I am reducing my debt every day.’ ‘They’ll never pay me that much’ becomes ‘I am always paid what I am worth.’”
If you still find these new affirmations difficult to believe, she suggests supplementing this with a visualisation of the financial persona or future you want to have - particularly as you wake or fall asleep, when your brain is in a “highly suggestible state,” - and practicing gratitude for the money you already have on a regular basis.
“Some people are prone to dismissing gratitude because it feels like an Instagram meme with no substance, but when we tell our mind that we’re grateful for what we already have, it will associate that with pleasure and safety and go and look for more of the same.”
Ultimately, the goal with reprogramming is to close down a road in your subconscious that’s no longer leading you to your desired destination and building a new one that is.
“The main vehicle to change is you and your mind,” Annabella concludes, “and change doesn’t have to take a long time, if you have the right tools.”
And a new financial mindset, Polly believes, is often the key to a happier, more fulfilled life in general. “Diving into the topic of money can be the gateway to understanding more about yourself, releasing deeply held blocks and patterns, and tapping into more of your potential. It ends up not actually being about the money, but about you clearing the blocks to living a happy, joyful and meaningful life and feeling safe and supported.”
