Choose Your Stress Wisely
You can’t lower stress by avoiding difficult situations. But confronting difficult situations causes stress too. Both choices are stressful. What kind of stress do you want?
Stress caused by avoiding tough situations:
#1. Unresolved issues cause anxiety.
Avoiding difficulty is like living with a low-level toothache.
#2. Anxiety turns into chronic stress.
Procrastination provides brief relief. But prolonged stress turns you into the walking dead.
#3. Self-incrimination undermines confidence.
You believe you should act, but you don’t. You lose initiative as time passes. The more you avoid difficulty the easier it becomes to avoid it. But consequences pile up until they drag you down.
Stress caused by confronting tough situations:
#1. Addressing issues causes more stress.
Confronting stressful situations causes more stress in the short term and less in the long term.
#2. Action includes its own relief.
Everything might not turn out as you hope but you’re dealing with it. Action ends procrastination. You experience a bad toothache for a day instead of a low-level toothache for a month.
#3. Action has positive possibilities.
Avoiding issues multiplies pain over time. Dealing with problems may resolve them. At least you took action.
Conclusion:
Stress is unavoidable. There is stress when you avoid and stress when you confront. Which kind of stress will you choose today?
What are you learning about stress at work?
More on stress:
5 Ways to Protect Yourself from Stress
23 Ways to Lower Stress that Don’t Work
This article is inspired by Carolyn Hax’s article, “Risk retaliation or let a colleague take credit for work?” – The Washington Post
John David Mann and I collaborated on a book about self-reflection. Self-reflection in isolation leads to self-deception. Everything good in leadership begins with humble self-reflection.
Order The Vagrant:
What are you learning about stress at work?
Face reality. Confront the the important problems and opportunities. Focus on adding value and doing the right thing.
Stress from doing stuff is preferable to stress from not doing stuff.
Stress is an interesting subject. One of the best commentaries on stress was the Ted Talk that Kelly McGonigal gave on how to make stress your friend. To your point, we’re going to have stress in our lives. We can choose what we tell ourselves about stress and how to allow it to energize us to action.
https://www.ted.com/talks/kelly_mcgonigal_how_to_make_stress_your_friend?language=en
Thanks for extending the conversation.
Thanks for sharing the video – this is so helpful! I see the connection with what Dan wrote here about choosing stress that moves issues forward and what McGonigal calls a belief you can handle the stress you face. She also mentions being social and seeking support – a theme Dan often writes about.
Avoidance is almost never the correct approach. And delay is just avoidance with the added stress of lying to yourself that you are going to do something . . . just not right now.
PS I say “almost never” because you need to be in the right mindset to confront situations or they will go badly. So avoidance may be the correct approach today so that you are prepared for confrontation tomorrow.
Thanks Jennifer. Good point on appropriate delay. Get yourself in the right spot. We might not like to admit it, but emotions are powerful.
Work on building relationships based on trust. Help build trust by being genuine, real, empathetic, authentic. When difficult conversations come from a place of trust the message becomes both easier to deliver and less uncomfortable to receive.
Good point. Strong relationships make difficult interactions easier and more predictable. We already have a good idea how people respond to difficult situations when we know them.
If we know that the person bringing the issue has our best interest at heart, it removes one area that makes stressful conversations even hotter.
When I was paid to lead, I had a note pinned above my phone that read; “Run towards the gunfire”, as my reminder to have a bias towards action.
Related to Jennifer’s response, knowing your own capacity is helpful too. I’ve found the Spoon Metaphor from the chronically ill to be helpful. “Do I have the spoons for that today?” Don’t shame yourself if your capacity is less. Accept it and use it wisely.