Every fall in most of the United States, we reset our clocks, reclaiming an hour of sunlight in the morning. Unless we choose to relocate to parts of Arizona, the U.S. Virgin Islands, Puerto Rico, Guam, American Samoa, or Hawaii (all seemingly attractive options as the mercury falls here in the northeast), we must accept the inevitability of time change. Ultimately, how we decide to respond to it is up to us. We can lament the darker evenings and the disrupted sleep schedules or we can celebrate the morning sunshine and the opportunity to recalibrate stuck patterns.
Our collective “falling back” always arrives at a moment in the college admission cycle when students and counselors are hustling to submit early applications. This confluence of rituals is an annual reminder of what we can and cannot control. Allow me to offer some reflections on what is (and is not) within our power.
For Students
Believe it or not, you have more agency in this experience than you think. Read this blog post from Rick Clark, the assistant vice provost and executive director of undergraduate admission at Georgia Tech. You will discover that you have control over 75% of the process. You decide, for example, why, where, when, and how you apply. You tell the story in your application that best represents you, your strengths, interests, and hopes. You choose who you listen to, take guidance from, and consult with about your search and application. You also determine the mindset with which you approach the experience. If you see it as a zero-sum game or as something you “deserve” you might be disappointed. On the other hand, if you stay open and realize that there are any number of schools that could be a great match, you will likely feel more fulfilled when decisions arrive.
What you do not control is how the application process is managed by the colleges, whether or not you are admitted, or how much it will cost. You might not have a say over the restrictions or conditions that your parents put on you about where you can apply or attend. You have little influence over how your friends, classmates, or neighbors view the colleges to which you apply or how they approach admission.
You do get to decide if you are going to let the experience of applying to college bring you down or lift you up. As a high school counselor, every year I get to witness a new group of students search for schools, visit with admission officers, interview, write essays, and complete applications. Some do so in a cloud of anxiety and the self-fulfilling prophecy of being overwhelmed. Others approach it with a sense of purpose and expectation that there will be details to attend to but not to surrender to. This you control, so make that part of your 75%.
For Parents
I used to think I had more control over my kids than I actually do. Then they hit their teenage years and I have come to realize that they are more autonomous and self-directed than I often give them credit for. If we have done our jobs right, this letting go of control is good. Even if not, their independence is inevitable.
When it comes to college admission, parents do not have sway over outcomes (just ask anyone caught up in the Varsity Blues Scandal how that ends). As much as we think our children are special, there are millions of other parents out there thinking the same thing. No matter how much we try to will an admission decision in their favor, the truth is that uncertainty rules the day and whatever message they get from a college is beyond our purview. We do get to choose the messages–both overt and more subtle–that we send to our children about what we value and how we feel about the decisions they are making.
We cannot control our students’ behavior, grades, wants, and needs. We can control how we react to all of these factors and how we empower them to own their choices. We can also choose to communicate proactively about our expectations, limitations, and conditions. Having honest conversations at the beginning of the college search about finances and affordability avoids difficult conversations later. We cannot dictate how our children will respond to our expectations, but we can certainly make them known. Finally, we control how enmeshed we become in their journey and how much space we allow them to risk, fail, and grow.
For Counselors
Without a doubt, the 10th month of the year is an especially hectic time for high school counselors–some have rather unaffectionately termed it “sucktober.” I don’t subscribe to this narrative because the truth is that I chose this profession–one that brings me great joy–and I know that it will be busy and at times frustrating. I cannot control being stuck between the rock of the underdeveloped teenage brain and the hard-placed reality that higher education is a business and often less student-focused. If it was, college admission would be more equitable, simple, and predictable. It is not, nor can I control that.
We as educators can continue to speak truth to power about the absurdity of our current system of standardized testing, lack of access to counseling, issues of affordability and debt, and many of the other ills of admission. We can decry the increasingly early timeline for applying to college and how negatively it impacts education, students, and equity. What we cannot control is the volume of applications that colleges and universities are trying to manage and the policies that they set in response. If I had more control, there is a lot I would fix about this experience. Accepting that I don’t, I will change with the time, be thankful for more morning sunshine, and continue to shed light where I can.
