Men and women may see life after career differently requiring candid conversations and informed ... [+]
To Doug, the end point was near and clear. He saw retirement within the next three years. With a sparkle in his eye, he pointed to where he and his wife, Sue, were to retire. Looking out, Doug spread his arms as if to hug the distant pine-covered mountains, he declared, “Yep! Sue and I will be retiring to our second home over there near our favorite hiking trails, plenty of fishing, and skiing.”
The look of satisfaction on Doug’s face was short lived. Sue, Doug’s wife of 40-plus years, briskly moved from his side, blocking his path, stopping Doug in his tracks. Sue sharply demanded, “When did we decide this?” Before Doug could gather his words, Sue continued, “If you think I am going to leave the city, the kids, my friends, to be here full time while you wander the woods, you are (expletive deleted) nuts.”
Men See Retirement As A Destination, Women View It As A Journey
For Doug, retirement is a destination, a reward of rest and leisure after decades of work. Sue certainly saw rest and leisure as a part of her next life stage, but she certainly did not see it as the rest of her life.
A study, conducted by my MIT AgeLab colleague Chaiwoo Lee and I, examined the words people use to describe life after career. The data indicates key differences between men and women. Overwhelmingly middle-aged and retirement age men used words that reflected brochure imagery of retirement, e.g., “rest,” “relax,” “hobbies.” In contrast, women of the same age described life after work as “freedom,” “peace,” and phrasing like “time for me.”
Women clearly see more in their later years than careers ending and playtime beginning. Women are more likely to see retirement years as a continuing journey, a life stage that might finally offer them time to reflect on what they want and to pursue dreams delayed. What might some of those dreams be?
Finally, Time For Her
For many women, caring for children, or aging loved ones, caused them to step in and out of the workforce. In their later years with children now adults, and caregiving responsibilities having ebbed, going back to work full time is not just about added income. It is also about doing something that is personally rewarding. Consider the fact that the backbone of the nation’s volunteer workforce are women older than age 50. Moreover, the evolving work patterns of women being in, out, part-time, or full-time workers at different life stages may be emblematic of the new flexible work life demanded by many in today’s workforce – regardless of age or gender.
Entrepreneurship can be described as the new (older) woman’s movement. An estimated 13 million businesses, or 42% of all companies in the United States, are reported to be owned by women – primarily older than age 50. While AARP estimates that nearly 28% of new businesses started by older women are to ensure financial stability, the majority of new older woman entrepreneurs leverage their economic security and see their retirement years as an opportunity to bring past dreams to life and to focus on starting a new business.
While men often view retirement as a chance to finally spend time with their partner, women are more likely to have an established set of daily routines and a network of friends that fill their days with vital relationships, shared experiences, and smiles. Men are often better prepared financially for retirement, but women typically have a much more robust social portfolio in older age. Certainly many women cherish time to travel and to spend time with their significant other, but how much time may vary.
In a focus group discussing life in retirement, one older woman confronted me at the close of the session. With a stern expression she bluntly exclaimed, “He is always there, always wanting to know what are we going to do next, what’s for lunch, where are we going today?!” In a huff, she declared, “I married him for life, but not for lunch!” It was only after she brushed past me that I realized the man trailing behind her was her husband.
Couples Conversations And Longevity Planning
Retirement is not simply life after career. It is an entirely different and, for many, long life stage with its own complexities. On average women are younger than their spouse and are likely to live longer — making retirement planning for women about far more than an endless vacation. Couples should have candid conversations long before one, or both, retire to ensure that they either share the same vision of retirement or develop a compromise plan that keeps both happy and vital. Likewise, professional retirement planning and advice, as it is currently practiced, must evolve beyond addressing financial security alone, and serve as a longevity planning platform to help couples identify, explore, and curate their possible retirement futures.
