ChatGPT’s College Admissions Essay Made These 5 Common Mistakes

OpenAI’s widely lauded ChatGPT has successfully passed the United States Medical Licensing Exam (USMLE) and an MBA exam administered by Wharton professor Christian Terwiesch. The program’s sophistication and its uncanny ability to detect and replicate the intricacies of human speech have led many in the education sector to wonder whether there is anything ChatGPT can’t do. Will the program, as many have suggested, transform education and render writing curricula obsolete?

I decided to put the program’s writing skills to the test by evaluating the program’s ability to craft a standout personal statement for a college application. The college application essay is a unique piece of personal writing, intended to highlight a student’s creativity, originality, and compatibility for the particular university, so I thought it would pose an interesting challenge for ChatGPT.

Ultimately, ChatGPT produced an essay in the tone and skill level of an average high school student—complete with common mistakes that many high school students make when it comes to personal narrative writing. While the essay wouldn’t stand out to admissions committees at top schools, it is a fantastic demonstration of where many students go wrong in crafting their personal statements.

Here’s what I asked ChatGPT:

GPT, write a college admission essay as if you were an applicant who wants to pursue musical theater. She is the president of the drama club and a member of the honors society at her school, and she has taken AP Music Theory. The essay should be no more than 600 words in length and respond to the following prompt: Discuss an accomplishment, event, or realization that sparked a period of personal growth and a new understanding of yourself or others.

In response, the program generated the following essay:

My love for musical theater began when I was very young. I remember sitting in the theater with my family, watching in awe as the actors and actresses performed the most beautiful music and dance numbers. The experience was so captivating that I knew at that moment, I wanted to pursue a career in the performing arts.

I started taking lessons in music theory and performing arts in middle school and joined the school’s drama club in high school. As I continued to hone my craft, I eventually became the president of the drama club and was selected to join the honors society. Participating in these activities not only gave me a sense of purpose and fulfillment, but also allowed me to develop my skills and gain a better understanding of myself and others.

One of my most memorable accomplishments was when I was chosen to take part in a prestigious musical theater production. I had worked so hard for the opportunity, and it was a great honor to be selected for the show. As I began the rehearsals and performances, I was exposed to many different types of people - from different cultures, backgrounds, and beliefs. Working with these individuals on a daily basis was eye-opening, and I learned a lot about myself in the process. I discovered that I was a passionate and driven individual, with an eye for detail and a knack for bringing out the best in others.

My experience with this production also taught me the importance of collaboration and teamwork. As part of a large ensemble, I had to learn the importance of working together in order to create the best product. I was challenged to think outside of the box, to think of creative solutions to any problem that we encountered. It was a very humbling experience, as I had to rely on others to help me reach my goals.

Overall, participating in this production was a major accomplishment that sparked a period of personal growth and a new understanding of myself and others. It taught me the value of hard work and dedication, as well as the importance of collaboration and teamwork. It also taught me that I have the power to make a difference in the world, no matter how small or large my contribution may be. I am confident that this experience will serve me well in my pursuit of a career in musical theater.

So where does ChatGPT’s essay go wrong?

Mistake #1: The essay tells rather than shows.

The golden rule of essays that rely on a student’s personal experiences is to “show—not tell;” the overall essay does not contain any of the storytelling techniques that are critical to a good essay, such as characterization, dialogue, and imagery. It tells the reader the intended takeaway in a bland and overly straightforward manner rather than showing the student’s active reflection and growth through creative, engaging narration. Take, for example, the sentence: “As I began the rehearsals and performances, I was exposed to many different types of people - from different cultures, backgrounds, and beliefs.” A successful essay should have expanded on a specific person or encounter that shaped the student. The student’s open-mindedness, receptivity to growth, and motivation to hone their craft should all be conveyed implicitly in the essay, and not be stated outright.

Mistake #2: The language is vague and impersonal.

In terms of the essay’s stylistic quality, the sentences lack complexity, and the writing is choppy and strange. In an essay of this length, the student should maximize the limited space given rather than fill in the word count with “fluff.” Each sentence should be used to include new information or add valuable detail, but many of these sentences repeat the same basic idea. A stronger essay would have included more specific personal context about the student and should have focused more specifically on why musical theater is the career to which they want to dedicate themselves. There is no critical thinking or deeper analysis presented in this response, and that—combined with the generic, broad statements and impersonal tone—does not make this a strong essay.

Mistake #3: The substance of the essay fails to provide meaningful insight into who the student is.

In the absence of any depth of authorial self-reflection, as a reader, this essay leaves me with plenty of questions—What was it about that initial experience that inspired the student to pursue musical theater? What exactly did they learn about themselves working with people different from them? How did this “prestigious musical” spark growth and understanding? Without elaborating on both their actual experiences and the student’s internal reflection, the essay does not thoughtfully explore the student’s development as a person and instead jumps to a generic takeaway about teamwork.

A great personal essay should be unique and specific to a single individual's life experience and convey the unique contours of a student’s personality and values to an admissions committee. It is colorful, detailed, and charged with narrative momentum. While a great essay paints a vivid picture of the writer’s journey toward a particular realization, it should lead the reader to that realization through vivid storytelling rather than extended explanation.

Mistake #4: The story lacks context.

For this essay in particular, if the applicant wants to write about how attending a musical theater production sparked their interest and led to their personal development, they need to provide far more context and narration. For instance, beginning the essay with an anecdote that speaks to the applicant’s unique life experience or connection to the field would make for a more compelling introduction—many people have seen shows and felt inspired, so what distinguishes this applicant’s experience from others’? A more dynamic essay would capture the reader’s attention through an engaging narrative hook before zooming out to illustrate the importance of the anecdote within its context in the student’s life.

Mistake #5: The writing lacks a distinct voice and unique perspective.

Finally, ChatGPT’s essay lacked one of the most critical components of excellent narrative writing—a distinct voice. Ultimately, ChatGPT had the ability to mimic the tone of an excited high school senior—but that was perhaps the greatest weakness of the essay produced by the program, rather than its greatest strength. The essay sounded like it was written by any excited teenager, with a generic composite of language consistent with students of that age, but it did not convey a unique voice and personality. The essay was superficial—missing the depth, creativity, and dynamic momentum that make great essays stand out to top schools. Standing out to top schools requires students to embrace their quirks rather than downplaying what makes them eccentric, unique, and memorable. A great personal essay is one that no person—or robot—other than the student could have written.

Of course, I could have continued to feed the program more specific information and instruction to adapt the essay to varying degrees and seek to eliminate these mistakes, but doing so would essentially require what it would take to simply write the essay oneself—creativity, the grasp of what constitutes stylistic writing, and a clear message to be conveyed by the essay. Prestigious colleges and universities want to know who an applicant is in their own words—only the applicant can tell their story in a compelling, quirky, and authentic way. While ChatGPT did not produce a stand-out essay, its output should alert students to key mistakes that they should avoid in their own admissions essays and ultimately illustrate to college applicants the power of their own voice.