Negative self-talk or cognitive distortions can resist even our best efforts to change them.
Imagine how disheartening it would feel if after every company win, your leader told everyone, “Just because we won, it doesn’t mean we’re doing well.”
Or conversely, you heard, “We just got approved for a line of credit despite having no sales - we’re doing great!” Meanwhile, you’re sitting on a broken office chair, you are the receptionist/sales team/marketing department, and your last paycheck bounced.
We’d all like to believe we don’t succumb to distorted perceptions that lead us - and anyone connected to us - astray. The truth, however, is we are all very susceptible to many cognitive distortions.
The cognitive distortion at play in the above examples is but one of the many we can succumb to, and it is called Minimization / Magnification.
Both ends of the minimization/magnification spectrum (positive <—> negative) can amplify either a distorted positive point of view or a distorted negative point of view to account for the full scope of an individual’s reality.
For instance, distorted negative minimization/maximization examples would go like this:
- Minimization - Even if I did get a good evaluation, it still doesn’t prove I’m good at my job.
- Magnification - I got an average performance review from my boss, which really proves how inadequate I am.
And distorted positive examples would go like this:
- Magnification - Two of twenty people gave me great feedback on my presentation, so this means I did amazing.
- Minimization - Even though my boss told me I was unprepared, it doesn’t mean I did poorly.
The danger with magnifying/minimizing any incorrect perception is that it can significantly derail you from personal success. You can lead yourself and others down a road of ruin if such distortions are not kept properly checked and balanced.
If, for example, you are on the receiving end of feedback and experience the negative magnification in the above example it can prevent you from improving on the very feedback you were given in your feedback session.
And if you are the giver of said feedback to someone experiencing negative magnification you may grow weary of this individual’s ability to rise above their limitations. You might throw in the towel one day, reinforcing the person’s self-distortion, which has now gained strength.
If you experience positive minimization, you might unwittingly disregard signs that are trying to steer you in the right direction because you are so confident in your point of view.
It’s much easier for our brains to make small tweaks to new information and experiences so that our existing ways of thinking remain intact, rather than change our minds. So, we minimize the importance of anything that disagrees with or challenges our thinking, and we magnify the importance of anything that supports it.
Minimizing and magnifying works so automatically and unconsciously that your judgment could be affected by it without you even knowing.
To remain rooted in reality you need to cultivate your self-awareness, but how do you cultivate your own self-awareness if you’re unaware to begin with that you require an increase in self-awareness?
You put in stop gaps.
Surround Yourself With People Who Will Tell You The Truth
Seek objective viewpoints from those that don’t have any skin in the game, but want the best for you. Surrounding yourself with ‘yes men’ and ‘yes women’ will only serve to regurgitate your own beliefs back to you. Having a group of trustworthy people in your life who can deliver the truth will keep you rooted in reality.
Celebrate Success
Celebrating small wins motivates. It helps people stay focused on what they are working towards, and it gives everyone a chance to reflect on their successes. Take everyone - or yourself - out for drinks or create some time during the workday to acknowledge the wins. Minimizing a win by insisting it’s not significant will deplete your energy and have you questioning the importance of doing anything.
Get A Coach or Mentor
Whether it’s a therapist, executive coach, or someone in a mentor role, it’s crucial to seek counsel from someone in an advisory position who can give an informed perspective on your own potentially distorted self-perception. For instance, if you are suffering from negative minimization they can provide the necessary boost of confidence; alternatively, if you are suffering from positive magnification they can provide the necessary reality check.
All of us fall victim to distortions from time to time. Negative self-talk or cognitive distortions can resist even our best efforts to change them. They can become so deeply ingrained and habitual that it takes an almost superhuman effort to break their hold on our mind.
But if you become cognizant and make an effort to stay self-aware you can keep distortions at bay. Over time, their influence lessens and the scope of reality widens.
