New Year's Resolutions
As a recent Vox.com article on New Year’s resolutions suggests, “Sticking to a resolution is far easier when it aligns with your priorities.” That goes threefold for disabled people.
For most people with disabilities, discussions of goals, “challenges,” and resolutions tend to be fraught with conflicting emotions. We get more than enough advice and social pressure to change our attitudes, recover from supposed negativity, or fix something seen as broken or incomplete about ourselves. And we get it year round, from family, friends, professionals, and random strangers too. For a lot of disabled people, adding special “New Year’s resolutions” can feel redundant, and more of an imposition than an encouragement.
Still, it's possible to resist other people’s simplistic self-improvement advice, and instead decide for ourselves to do some things differently in the coming year. And for disabled people in particular, it doesn’t matter as much exactly what we resolve to change, but rather how we come to our New Year’s resolutions. Here are three broad guidelines for how people with disabilities can develop 2023 resolutions that actually mean something to them.
1. Challenge yourself
Pick a change you can make in your everyday habits, changes you want to make, whether they make sense to others or not.
Get an earlier start in the mornings – or, try to get more sleep every day. Walk more – or, start using that wheelchair or mobility scooter you have been avoiding for years. Make a conscious effort to reconnect with family and old friends – or draw clearer, stronger boundaries with people who are toxic for you. Develop kinder, more patient responses to everyday ableism – or, pointing it out and express your true feelings more often instead of always letting things slide for fear of disapproval.
Make a deliberate effort to be more at ease, less awkward or embarrassed about your disability. Don’t hide. Don’t be afraid to let people see your disability. Work to get more comfortable identifying yourself as disabled, and speaking directly to people about your disability experiences.
Look beyond your personal life, too.
Pick a disability policy issue where a real change would benefit you and other disabled people – and help the campaign to make it happen. For example:
- Fighting for more accessible stores, restaurants, offices, and public buildings in your area.
- Raising benefits, asset limits, or earnings thresholds for SSI and SSDI.
- Increasing funding for home care, to eliminate waiting lists that keep thousands of disabled Americans either institutionalized or entirely without care.
2. Be kind to yourself
Pick specific goals with simple steps that you are pretty sure you can achieve, not vague ambitions that sound good but may be out of reach for you. Don't resolve to get your dream job if it isn't reasonably within reach. Go ahead and pick small or interim goals, even if you are the only one who will appreciate them.
Meanwhile, be clear with yourself and others in your life about the things your disability does and doesn't require of you. Resolve to set boundaries and say no, even when you feel social pressure to be easygoing and say yes. And develop more effective ways to explain your disability needs in brief, plain language that you feel comfortable using, both with people you know well and with strangers.
Most importantly, work on truly believing that your value as a human being isn't defined or limited by your disability, by how "normal" you look and feel, or how much money you have. Pursue work and financial goals, health improvements, and other achievements, but only if you yourself value them. And stop measuring your worth against non-disabled people, or against other disabled people for that matter.
3. Connect with other disabled people
There are over 61 million people with disabilities in the U.S.. Yet, a surprising number of disabled people don’t know many others with disabilities. If you don't know many other people with disabilities, reach out to them. To start with, ask yourself why you don’t have much contact with other disabled people. Is it happenstance, or have you made a deliberate or unconscious decision to avoid being involved with disability communities? When you decide to reach out, be sure to explore both "in person" interactions and social media. Online socializing can be hit or miss. But platforms like Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, TikTok, and YouTube offer access to more people with more disabilities, with a wider variety of different disability experiences, than any of us could have hoped for just a few decades ago.
When you do start meeting other disabled people, be prepared to give advice if asked, but listen first – without judgment or agenda. In fact, that is a much more challenging resolution than you may think. Engage generously, but not with an air of superiority. Look to help, not just benefit.
If you are already active in disability communities, make an effort to connect with disabled people and groups you know less about, maybe even some you think you don't approve of. Get to know people with disabilities that are different from your own. Reach out and listen to people with disabilities of other races, genders, sexual orientations, generations, and social backgrounds. Break out of your social and ideological bubbles once in a while.
These are all only suggestions. If New Year’s resolutions aren’t your thing, don’t worry about it. Otherwise, choose resolutions that you care about most. Be creative. Challenge yourself in 2023, but be fair and gentle to yourself too.
