How strong are your ties?
The conventional wisdom on networking says it’s better to have many shallow contacts than a few deep ones because those shallow contacts are more likely to connect you to the opportunities you need. But I’ve learned the hard way, through the disruption of the global pandemic in the last few years, the current inflationary pressures and irrational thinking of many leaders in fashionable cuts, and other enterprise risk factors, that we need to amend that wisdom.
To understand why, let’s get into the rationale for shallow contacts. Because of specialization, the thinking goes that we need to cast a wide net to find a good match for our capabilities and competencies. A large pool of contacts will do that, while a small pool of strong ties will likely give us people with similar networks. After all, we’re more likely to connect deeply with people who already share our interests and experiences.
Favoring shallow contacts makes sense in fairly stable times when people can help each other with minimal effort. If all I need from you is just some contact information or background knowledge, then weak ties are fine. But with businesses buffeted by unexpected pressures, from rapidly shifting market trends to the inability of many organizations to reach their target audiences effectively, or the constant cyber threats, you’re likely to need more assistance than shallow contacts can give. That’s where those strong relationships pay off.
Hit by Covid
In the fall of 2021, I was in Istanbul to teach an executive education class and rendezvous with my parents from Iran. Despite vaccination, Mom, Dad, and I all ended up contracting Covid, and my mom became very sick while we were in the country’s mandatory quarantine. I didn’t know any Turks, so I posted a blog mentioning our predicament. I got responses from several CEOs who knew me and headed up global companies. I was relieved and thought at least one of them would have Turkish operations and could connect me to helpful medical resources. Although kind in their emotional support, they had no real contacts to prioritize my needs or offer material help.
Meanwhile, I heard from Tug, who had been a summer intern with me back in 2013. We have stayed in touch over the years, and although living and working in Dublin, he happened to be visiting Istanbul for work when he saw my post. He has always been kind, as he had benefited from my coaching and career advice years earlier. During an incredibly trying time, culminating in mom’s passing, Tug was an unbelievable local asset – and a friend! From setting up online delivery services to our quarantine hotel rooms, to daily contact with mom’s doctors in two different hospital ICUs, medical transports, access to local medications, and even help in negotiating her expatriation back to Iran.
Tug was willing to do all this precisely because he wasn’t a shallow, superficial contact of convenience. Having invested in his personal and professional growth, nurturing the relationship through several visits to Istanbul and the U.S. with him and both of our families, beyond our business interactions, we had become personal friends. I’m sure that in a different situation, any of those CEO acquaintances would have done the same.
How to Invest in Strong Ties
Of course, none of us have the bandwidth to invest in all our casual contacts equally. Many, if not most, of the people we know have to remain shallow contacts, and for the most part, that’s OK. We can find opportunities to be mutually helpful in many situations.
But to go beyond surviving to thrive during constant market disruption, we need fewer and deeper relationships with a vested interest in our personal and professional success, well-being, and continued growth. Their personal commitment to helping us through the sudden, unexpected challenges that could derail our work and lives, or harm the people we love, makes them invaluable. And considerably more impactful than a simple transaction. They become transformative in our experiences and the narrative of our lives.
The conventional wisdom has one thing right: we need to connect with people beyond our comfort zone. Back in 2013, I could have easily passed on hiring a Turkish intern or treated him with only minimal attention when he arrived. But instead, I expanded my hiring horizon and gave him a chance to learn, grow, and create his own success. That’s how diversity, inclusion, and equity matter now more than ever.
The second lesson is to focus your relationship investments on those who demonstrate high performance and potential. Tug was with us for only a few months but checked most of the boxes. He was intelligent, competitive, connected, candid, resourceful, engaged, focused, and clear-sighted while readily giving credit to others. So, I kept investing in his growth, even though he had little to offer our business after that summer. Partly I was passing on the help that other people had given me early in my career. And I certainly didn’t imagine anything like the assistance he gave my family and me in Istanbul.
Building Resilience Against Curveballs
This may be an extreme story, but many of us are more likely to get hit with unexpected curveballs with constant disruptions in our personal and professional lives. Not only are global disruptions like pandemics increasingly likely, but fast-emerging technology and shifting industry structures are leaving many professionals vulnerable. Mental health and burnout concerns are at an all-time high. Geopolitics is creating shifting trade routes, the need for redundant systems, and business continuity imperatives have heightened. When you get hit, will you rely on your shallow contacts to help bail you out? Or will you have people motivated to step in with sustained assistance and a vested interest in you?
On a personal note, I will be forever grateful to Tug, Gul, and their families. They exuded incredible kindness and resolve during a personally difficult time in my life.
