Before You Hire a Friend Explore these 7 Issues
I received this question Friday.
I’m wondering if you have any articles about employees bypassing direct supervisors because they are “friends of the boss”. I have always hesitated to hire friends for this reason. However, in the current environment employees are very difficult to find.
The simplest thing to say is, hire a friend if you want to lose a relationship.
Image by vishnu vijayan from Pixabay
Before you hire a friend explore…
Temperament:
#1. Is there a history of drama? Overreaction signals future conflict.
#2. Is there a history of dealing well with conflict?
#3. Is forgiveness a verified behavior? This includes the ability to move on after something hits the fan. Nurturing offenses is a red flag.
#4. How are they at having hard conversations? You’ll lose a friend if they take disagreements personally.
Power:
#5. What are the current relational power dynamics? Relationships have leaders and followers. If you hire an employee who leads your friendship, it’s going to be tough.
Communication:
#6. How would you describe communication styles?
Some options to consider:
- Assertive: Clear, direct, honest, and kind.
- Aggressive: Aggressive, dominating, closed minded.
- Passive: Indirect, submissive, avoiding conflict.
- Passive-aggressive: Subtle but hostile. They let you know they aren’t happy with tone, body language, or gossip.
- Listening: Listens to understand. Enjoys open dialogue.
- Analytical: Just the facts. Logical and systematic.
- Professional: Polite, follows established etiquette.
Hiring friends tests communication. If you aren’t good at it now, it will only get worse when friends are involved.
Boundaries:
#7. How would you describe everyone’s boundary-setting skill?
When you hire a friend can you play together without digging into work issues? I suggest a simple rule. Never talk about work when you’re not at work.
Tip: Have them report to someone as far from you as possible.
Should leaders hire a friend?
If you hire a friend what should be true?
Still curious:
10 Surprising Job Interview Questions that Identify the Right People
A Job Interview Question that Predicts How Someone Will Lead
The Pros and Cons of Hiring Your Friends
LAST MINUTE CHRISTMAS GIFT IDEA:
Dan I once hired a very good friend from my CPA days to work at the manufacturing firm where I was Corporate Controller. But it was structured where he reported to domestic group leader not me. We were more peers who worked well together. Hiring friends is tricky. Happy Holidays!
Brad
Thanks for sharing your experience. Hiring a friend as a peer seems to have a unique set of potential issues. I’m glad you added your perspective.
I wish I’d read this 8 years ago. I lost three friends after making them partners. Hindsight is 20-20. Did they really change or was I just blinded by friendship?
Sorry to hear that. It seems doubly painful. I’d put that in the “If only” regrets category.
I so much appreciate these “outside the box” topics. It’s not relevant to me now, but there’s always an applicable nugget in there somewhere. And no doubt it will be relevant down the road and I’ll have a point of reference. Thank you!
Hey Rob. You prove that a person who loves learning can learn from almost anything. Best wishes.
I appreciate the cut and dry questions. It helps to keep the decision and assessment completely objective with the information we have of friends. Still makes for a tricky conversation when they don’t fit the position and have to be declined.
Yup. It’s still tricky. Some people just make a rule. Don’t hire friends.
A very respected mentor of mine had a rule to never hire a friend and I have always followed this advice. This post reinforces this advice. While there may be times that it does work out; I value my friendships too much to potentially lose them. Great post!
Thanks Joseph. A rule you never break is the simplest rule to have. It might seem hard, but you never have to struggle with the decision.
Once Hired there is a good possibility of becoming a great friend.. Some of the ideas here are valid for that situation too. Thanks Dan.
& then I saw this from seth !!
The friendly professional
Friendly doesn’t mean saying ‘yes’ all the time, or changing every policy, or giving up our principles.
Friendly is how it feels, not what it does.