5 Ways to Expose Your Inner Critic
Don’t ignore a loud inner critic. You talk to yourself constantly. It’s often ugly. Leaders overthink, second guess, and criticize themselves.
Your worst enemy doesn’t berate you like your own inner voice.
Your inner critic uses imagined failure against you.
Imagined failure:
Self-defeating behaviors first live in your head.
Imagined failure destroys confidence. Confidence and resolve cower in the face of self-accusation. Stagnation follows doubt. Dreams stagger and fall.
You box the air when you try to answer imagined failings. It’s futile to take a swing at phantoms.
You can’t solve imagined failure.
You tell yourself you’re succeeding, but your inner judge doesn’t believe it. Compliments are deflected with self-accusations.
5 ways to expose your inner critic:
Expose self-accusations to the light.
You lose when you secretly argue with an absurd beast. You find relief from your inner saboteur when you expose it.
- Notice negative self-talk. Don’t resist. Just notice. “Yup, that’s another self-accusation.”
- Make a list of everything your inner accuser says to you. Inner critics shrink when you expose their lies.
- Notice generalizations. You always screw up. Everyone thinks you’re dumb. Don’t worry about answering your inner saboteur.
- Talk about your inner critic with people you trust. Silence empowers the enemy. If you care for yourself develop relationships that withstand honest conversations about inner demons.
- Name the inner judge that lives in your head. Naming is power. Notice your inner voice is often someone else, a boss, parent, or bully.
Self-sabotage isn’t your friend. It never strengthens relationships. It hates happiness. It believes satisfaction is a dangerous enemy.
The most powerful words you hear are the ones you say to yourself.
What suggestions do you have for people who grapple with self-accusation?
Still curious:
How to Quiet a Loud Inner Critic and Stop Bossing Yourself Around
I gave my inner critic a name. I call him Bruce. I don’t like Bruce but I have to live with him. Since giving him / it a name it has been easier to identify who is actually saying this (negative) stuff. 99% of the time it is Bruce. He is very predictable and loves to point out what went wrong, theorise on what will go wrong and speculate some more. I know how Bruce works and it’s comforting in someway to know even though the thoughts (negative mostly) are there and often verbalised it’s actually not me speaking… it’s bloody Bruce. I’ve even noticed how much Bruce has not liked this new process. He doesn’t like to be called out and categorised. Bruce is losing his grip on me.
Thanks for a great article. Long time subscriber!
Troy Australia
Thanks Troy. I respect your clear reflection on this topic. I’m confident your experience will help readers with their own ‘Inner-Bruce.” Thank you also for being a long-time subscriber. Enjoy Summer!
I used to remind my extremely competent but sometimes self-doubting team members of the Dunning-Kruger effect, whereby people with low ability, expertise, or experience tend to overestimate their ability or knowledge, but high performers tend to underestimate or even doubt their skills and abilities. (I believe the former to be to some extent an unintended consequence of the culture’s over-emphasis on “self-esteem” and the “participation trophy” phenomenon.)
Certainly, the degree of self-accusation you write about seems to paralyze some people, but I have found the inner critic to be voice requiring temperance and management, not complete silencing. Any “imagined failures” should spur us to action, not cause us to cower in helplessness. At least, this has been my choice.
Thanks Jim. The Dunning-Kruger effect needs more attention. It suggests that questioning ourselves has a good side.
Perhaps we can adapt “the obstacle is the way,” to “self-accusation is the way.” When your inner critic acts up you’re probably heading in the right direction.
Great read today, Dan.
Thank you. I really resonate with exposing the inner critic to the light; by naming the criticism; and recognizing it for what it is – a phantom. The more we bring to the light, the fainter the voice of the inner critic.
I appreciate your encouragement, Dan, as well as your insights.
Happy New Year and God’s best to you this year. I look forward to learning more from you.
Thank you, AZ. It’s been cold in your state. Hope it warms up. It’s not possible to completely eliminate a loud inner critic. Noticing works for the leaders I work with. Happy New Year and God’s best to you, too.
A few years back, I wrote the book, “Leadership -Off the Wall.” It had to do with the types of messages that leaders post on their office wall to help them be more effective and efficient. Gayle Lantz, Founder and President of WorkMatters, Inc had on her desk a yellow sticky with the words, “Quit making stuff up.”
Thanks Paul. LOVE IT! The first thing that comes to mind is if I stop making stuff up my brain will be empty most of the time. 🙂
Here’s a link to Paul’s book: https://amzn.to/3jQWUkz
From a long time follower, thanks for this Dan! Had a recent leadership set back moment and my inner voice has been wreaking havoc lately. Never thought to name it and I’m already realizing the benefits of doing so! Now just have to keep the voice quelled and the sticky note for my desk! I appreciate you, your expertise and your wisdom!
Thanks for being a long time follower. When you are sincere and want to do good, setbacks are particularly painful. Steady on!
My inner critic doesn’t need to use imagined failure against me. There’s enough real failures with supporting data around that it doesn’t have to imagine! Happy new year Dan!
Happy New Year, Mitch. The good thing about real failures is we can do real things to move forward. When we define failure as falling short, it’s pervasive.
One of my favorites…
F.E.A.R.
False
Evidence
Appearing
Real
That’s the worst kind of fear. Stop making stuff up. 🙂