7 Powerful Proactive Responses to Hot Emotion
Proactive people make things happen. Reactive people wait for things to happen.
Reactions come with their own punishment.
Reactions are spontaneous. Someone pushes you; you push back. You say something that causes harm.
Reactions deliver short-term satisfaction and long-term hardship.
7 dangers of reacting:
- The more you react, the more you stay the same.
- The more you react, the more others control you.
- The more you react, the more your thinking congeals.
- The more you react, the more you feel pushed around.
- The more you react, the more frustration you feel.
- The more you react, the more negative consequences you experience.
- The more you react, the more disappointed you become.
5 emotions that switch on reaction-mode:
- Stress. You move toward basic instincts when you’re stressed.
- Discouragement. The world shrinks for discouraged people.
- Confusion. You either run like a scared hamster or freeze like a terrified possum.
- Worry. You focus on things you can’t control. Eventually, you find comfort in helplessness.
- Anger and resentment. Your mind closes to options. They need to pay. You attack, defend, or withdraw.
7 powerful proactive responses to hot emotion:
Show up to build up.
Create a proactive response to hot emotion before you need it.
When you’re angry, it’s too late to create proactive responses to anger. The same goes for stress, discouragement, confusion, and worry.
- Gratitude. “Thank you for bringing this up.”
- Curiosity. “What do you want?” “What’s behind this?”
- Declaration. “I want to make this situation better.”
- Acknowledgement. “You must feel terrible.” “This makes me feel terrible.”
- Vulnerability. “I don’t know the answer.”
- Apology. “I was wrong.”
- Space. “I’m going to need some time to reflect on this.”
You act with the future in mind when you’re proactive.
Reactive people reveal their current selves. Proactive people express their aspirational selves.
What are some problems with reactive management?
How might people become more proactive?
A lot of organisations, especially in retail/entertainment/hospitality achieve this by a sort of rote training in a set of responses rather like the ones you note above, Dan.
It isn’t truly proactive, but it either fixes the problem (a fresh coffee, a move to a different hotel room, a complimentary drink etc), or it gives a sufficient impression of proactivity to provide enough time and space to actually figure out and fix the problem. A possible downside is that people now expect any issue to be amenable to this approach, forgetting that there are problems that aren’t fixable at the level of a fresh packet of peanuts.
I like these a lot – very helpful!
That last sentence really sums it up. Every day, small choices to live your legacy.
Number 8 could be “Breathe. Pause before you react, to prevent an amygdala hijack.”
These are really good considerations for internal conflict as well. This is useful for our needs as a company merging personnel.
Great info; however, a verse from the Bible says it best in fewer words: “A gentle / soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” (Proverbs 15:1) It’s true, because it works, and one cannot improve much better than this!
Our reactions are impulsive, often driven by our subconscious. I like to think of being proactive as being response-able. When provoked, we take a deep breath and a step back and consciously choose our response to the situation. It’s never easy. When we are clear about our values and how we want to show up, however, being response-able is within our grasp.
Reaction is a response to something we did not anticipate. The mistake lies in not having foreseen it. However, not everything is possible to predict. The reaction in some cases is a necessary attitude, it can also be imprecise, incomplete, weak but it has the advantage of a rapid response. It’s about understanding how to deal with emergencies and manage them. After the first impact, the emergency is no longer an emergency and we need to start being proactive. Building alternatives thought and studied. Abandon improvised behaviors. This is a next phase that must be managed with full awareness. Do you agree?
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Learning to understand and accept wisdom! Really like this!