Watch this video. If it makes you feel uncomfortable, well it should, because it reveals workplace behavior that is by any measure absolutely unacceptable and would constitute a firing offense pretty much anywhere. The main difference here is that it was on display for the whole world to see— and cringe at. Prominent CNN anchor Don Lemon, who, in response to Republican Presidential candidate Nikki Haley’s suggestion that politicians over age 75 should take a mental competency test to qualify for office (not a bad idea IMHO), made the horribly offensive remark that “a woman is considered to be in her prime in her 20’s, 30’s and maybe 40’s”, and therefore at age 51, Nikki Haley “isn’t in her prime, sorry”. When asked according to whom are women past their prime at 50, his brilliant answer was “Google”.
CNN Anchor Don Lemon
For starters, this guy should by no means be given a pass just because he is a star anchor, and thus far, he hasn’t entirely gotten away with his behavior—his boss forced him to show up at a Zoom meeting to apologize to his colleagues from a pre-planned Miami vacation. But even his apology was lacking because he merely stated “I’m sorry I said it” (not “what I said was appalling”) and he also felt the need to praise himself in the course of the apology by telling everyone what a big man he is because he can admit he’s wrong. My advice: Dude, when you are apologizing, just freaking apologize—“I’m a dumbass and I was wrong. I said a horrible, hurtful thing and I’m terribly sorry. I will do all I can to make it up to you and be a better person in the future.”
But even a decent apology would clearly not be sufficient. If anything, Lemon should be held to a higher standard because he has such an influential position in the media. Adding insult to injury, he has already had a tough time getting along with his younger, female colleagues, causing one of them to leave the set in distress after he berated her for cutting him off on air. The show has been struggling in the ratings since day one and a likely contributor to its lack of success is that Lemon appears to be a major prima donna who thinks it is beneath him to have to share the stage with lesser stars.
Watching the real-time reactions of his female colleagues is a painful experience for any professional woman who has suffered such blatant sexism at work. First comes the shock, then the disorientation, then the attempt to react in real time, etc, etc, etc. I have addressed the issue of sexism before with the suggestion to use the “all things being equal” test when addressing a woman, (or for that matter, a person of color, a colleague from the LGBTQ community, etc.) The test goes like this: “all things being equal, would I say this same thing to Mr. X or Ms. Y.”
If Mr. Lemon had used this test, he would have quickly realized that he would never dare to say the same thing about a man being “past his prime” after the age of 50. Quite the contrary; by singling out women in general and in particular, Nikki Haley, who at age 51 would be among the youngest US Presidents were she to be elected, Lemon was feeding into the old stereotype that women exist to bear children and look good, not to share their experience and expertise in the workplace. And turning the “all things being equal” test around, imagine if Poppy Harlow had said, “I Googled it, and gay Black men are past their prime at 55”. She would have been marched out the door yesterday and rightfully so.
Presumably, the 56-year-old Mr. Lemon believes he is squarely “in his prime” because, well, men are in their prime for as long as they tell us they are. Addressing his two female colleagues, one who is 30 years old and the other, 40, in this way, Lemon appeared to be pulling some sort of sick power play by implying that they essentially have a limited number of years left to operate at the highest level of the media world while he can go on for as long as he wishes.
Aside from the obvious DEI implications here, let’s look at the issue of trust in the workplace and what it takes to get and keep it. As I have stated before, trust is “hard-earned, easily lost, difficult to reestablish and key to absolutely everything”. And trust has clearly broken down where Mr. Lemon is concerned. But what does it take to gain others’ trust? For the best answer to this question, I’m going back to HBS professor Frances Frei, who is in my opinion far and away the best and brightest thinker on leadership and inclusion in the workplace.
Frei states her case on trust very clearly and elegantly. Her research shows that trust has three necessary components: empathy, logic and authenticity. Further, she explains that most of us “wobble” on at least one of these three. Empathy is the ability to walk in someone else’s shoes, and to realize how your words and actions will be perceived, and how they will affect others. Logic is two-pronged. First, you need a clear argument based on facts and data and second, you need to communicate that argument effectively. Authenticity is being your true self, e.g. coming across as honest and “real”—quite simply, not being “fake”.
Examined in this context, Lemon’s unfortunate proclamation showed that he was, as Professor Frei once said of the management team at Uber during the height of their recent scandals, “wobbling all over the place”. He was utterly lacking in empathy for his two female colleagues and for that matter, every single girl or woman of any age who was watching this sorry episode. His logic was pitiful—he found out that women are past their prime at age 50 by Googling it? C’mon, man, gimme a break. So, that leaves authenticity and unfortunately, it looks like this is the only place he wasn’t wobbling. He was being authentic all right—an authentic, sexist jerk. Shame on him. Mr. Lemon should have the decency to resign before they pull him out with a hook.
