How to Solve People-Problems
The problems we have with each other are more dangerous than the problems we have with competitors.
People-problems get worse when they’re ignored.
Organizational turmoil diminishes, when nagging people problems find resolution.
Everything that’s controllable has a person connected to it.
Positive before negative.
Describe what you want, before attacking what you don’t.
Everyone knows what they don’t want. The deeper issue is what you want.
First question:
When people ask me for advice, the first thing I ask is, “What would be happening if things were going great?”
The answers I receive are usually about results. The trouble is, problems are about behaviors. When behaviors are right, results follow.
Second question:
The second question I ask is, “What behaviors would you see, if things were going great?” Imagine yourself walking down the hall and seeing behaviors that let you know things are going great.
Positive fill in:
Fill in the blank. With this problem in mind, if things were going great, I would see ….
If you can’t see it, don’t talk about it.
Describe solutions in behavioral terms. If people can’t do it, it isn’t a solution.
Negative after positive:
After describing what you want, explore what needs to stop.
Generalities are for cowards. Describe harmful behaviors, specifically.
Values:
When solving nagging people problems, focus on behaviors that violate agreed upon values.
It’s a whole different conversation when you can’t agree on what’s harmful.
Forget:
- Attitudes.
- Feelings.
- Long-term goals.
- Explaining why it’s happening.
Focus on behaviors.
Behaviors:
Solving people-problems requires focus, urgency, and, most importantly, simplicity. Yes, you might connect harmful behaviors to long-term goals. But, the challenge is describing harmful behaviors clearly, without the addition of …
Part 2 here ….
What successful strategies for solving people-problems have you seen?
I’m a fan of clarity. “Values” are broad, helping folks connect values and behaviors leads to clear understanding and expectation.
“We respect our customers, therefore we return their calls/e-mails within four hours, even if it’s only to communicate a solution is in process.”
Insuring the other party hears and understands the matter is equally important.
Thanks Ken. You left a very helpful illustration of a behavior based approach to values. Some might be surprised to learn that values are all about behaviors.
Great! Do we respect our staff members…our employees…our co-workers with the same high level of clarity, values, and behaviors, that we show our customers and clients?
I was just thinking that I might email you asking for more specifics on this when you beat me to it and teased tomorrow’s continuation. I’m also super stoked to see you offering your coaching and cultural expertise. I would recommend you higher than anyone I could imagine for those needs.
Thanks James. It’s great that you see the connection between this post and coaching. The outline I’m offering is one I often use as a structure for one off coaching conversations.
You’re kind words make my day!
I love the focus on behaviors and values. Thanks, Dan.
Thanks Steven. Without values to guide these conversations, the only thing we have are personal preferences and urgencies — not the best source of guidance when it comes to solving people problems.
Nice perspective! I have found that when dealing with People Problems, in every case, it is better to approach with a positive delivery rather than the negative. When a negative delivery is taken, the individual becomes defensive and stops hearing the desired result. We are human. We are sensitive to personal criticism, no matter our outward appearance. If the messenger can remember to approach as human to human, rather than boss to employee, the result will almost always be better.
Thanks Dianna. Very helpful observation. Defensiveness ends listening and limits connection. It’s deadly.
Use parenting techniques! It’s the same with kids, isn’t it? Saying to a child, “You have to be a good boy!” or “Be responsible!” is too vague. It can also be interpreted as pure criticism – I must not be good, responsible etc…
If you say, “Being a good boy means saying please and thank you.” or “Being responsible means picking up your toys.” you provide concrete examples that can be emulated. You actually empower that individual; he realizes that there is something he can do to show that this is important to him. Then, when the behavior is seen, don’t forget to give him praise!
We humans thrive on praise : )
Thanks Dr. Pinzon. The word clarity rose up in my thinking as I read your comment.
It’s important to realize that what is easy for us, may be difficult for another.
Dealing with people is always a challenge. The part of “positive before negative” reminds me of “seek first to understand before you are understood” from the book, 7 Habits of Highly Effective People.
Thanks fnokeke. So true. I think the other Covey quote that applies is, “Begin with the end in mind.”
Quoting: “Everyone knows what they don’t want. The deeper issue is what you want.” Except maybe in an emergency when there are dire circumstances requiring stopping something we don’t want, I cannot believe anyone can be acceptable with anything less that what we do want. May I also make this suggestion: WHEN DECIDING WHAT THE OBJECTIVE IS (WHAT WE DO WANT), make sure that objective does NOT include a possible solution!!! Otherwise the best alternative will likely NOT be identified.
Thanks John. If I understand the last part of your comment, it means focus on WHAT you want before working on HOW. It takes discipline to not rush to solutions. But, as you indicate, rushing to solutions may leave the best alternative on the table. Thanks for you insights.
Dan – thanks once again for great ideas. I like the idea of asking open questions because I am all about curiosity AND I think this supports the notion that everyone wants to be seen, heard and understood. By starting with the positive future, people can begin to understand expectations and be part of the conversation so they feel seen, heard and understood. Proceeding to the less desirable current state illustrates the ‘gap’ everyone needs to move through and the conversations that arise help people share their perspectives, creating greater understanding so everyone can be part of the plan to move forward. Sounds like a great strategy!
Thanks Kathy. You nailed those basic needs. We can’t move forward until they are met. Well, I suppose with the use of authority, coercion, manipulation, and pressure we can try to move people forward. But, if we expect engagement, we need to see, hear, and understand others.
Excellent post! I believe that focusing on what DO want rather than what we don’t can sometimes be difficult, but is so worth the extra mental energy to do so. I think that people tend to think in specifics and speak (and lead or manage) in generalities. Telling kids to “be careful”, or telling employees to “take ownership”. When these things are said, we know specifically what we want, but the person being addressed has no idea. Then, when things don’t go our way, we may get upset at not getting the result we wanted. I love the idea of asking “What behaviors would I see if things were going great?” I appreciate the ideas, and will put them into practice.
I can’t wait to see the rest tomorrow. Thanks.
Thanks Joel. My experience indicates that the negative is magnetic. Focusing on positive behaviors requires energy. In order to have positive relationships, we must have 3 positive encounters for every 1 negative. That takes work for most of us! 🙂
“Generalities are for cowards. Describe harmful behaviors, specifically.”
What would you recommend when the problem behaviors ARE non-specific though? Micro-aggressions in the workplace are a very real problem and I honestly don’t know how to address that sort of issue.
Thanks Holly. Great observation and question. I suggest defining and describing positive behaviors that you expect. For example, every manager could stop into every direct report’s office and ask, “How can I help,” at least twice a week. Frequency could be established by the number of direct reports.
Another option might be to ask the team what a great culture looks like. After describing a great culture, identify one behavior that everyone engages in. It might be asking at least one follow up question or pausing after someone is done speaking, to work toward a listening culture.
In short, in this case, you might try focusing on positive behaviors.
An observation on something I’ve seen quite a lot. In terms of what is not wanted, manuals provide chapter and verse on what is unacceptable, will not be tolerated etc, but if there is any guidance on what behaviours should be exhibited, if you’re lucky you get some wooly, vacuous generality – google “core competencies” for example.
The other thing is that when you ask a manager what they want, they’ll tell you: they want it right, exactly right, fright now, first time, every time. How very helpful…
This is such a great perspective. I found the whole thing to be really interesting. This sentence, in particular, had me wanting to read the rest all the way through: “Everyone knows what they don’t want. The deeper issue is what you want.”
I’m excited for tomorrow’s post!
“Generalities are for cowards. Describe harmful behaviors, specifically.” Love it! Get rid of the grays! Can’t wait for tomorrow’s post Dan!
Thanks Dan,
As you say, “Everything that’s controllable has a person connected to it,” and when discussing employee problems that person is a manager or an executive or the CEO.
Internal motivation, unlike external motivation, is not under the control of the employer. Managers who know this don’t make the mistake of presuming that they can change employees’ internal motivation.
The reason employee engagement starts before the job offer is made is because we need to hire employees for their internal motivation.
When there are disengaged or problem employees we need not look beyond managers and executives.
– Too many employees are in the wrong jobs, i.e., management errors.
– Too many managers are in the wrong jobs, i.e., executive errors.
– Too many executives are in the wrong jobs, i.e., CEO errors.
– Too many managers and executives Reward A hoping for B.
– Poorly behaving employees are tolerated, i.e., management errors.
– Poorly behaving managers are tolerated, i.e., executive errors.
– Poorly behaving executives are tolerated, i.e., CEO errors.
– In other words, we get who we hire and who we promote.
If we want to break the cycle, then begin hiring the right people for all positions.
I have a few people who’s minds i’m trying to open. Not only do they acknowledge their closed minds but they do not care how it will affect them in the future. They are lazy and do not try. They purposefully ignore me or close the conversation every time I try to bring it up to help them. These purple are my younger sisters and brother. Please give me some way to help.