Tap the Power of the FORD Method
The FORD Method has nothing to do with cars.
You struggle to build relationships because connections begin gently with small talk. Maybe you hate doing it.
“Small talk is not exactly an introvert’s favorite pastime. In fact, the simple phrase small talk can be code for torture.” Susan Cain
The FORD Method is about connecting with people. I’m not sure where it originated but searching Google for “FORD Method” delivered over 30,000 results. I guess it’s been around awhile.
The FORD Method:
F: Ask questions about family.
O: Ask questions about occupation.
R: Ask questions about recreation.
D: Ask questions about dreams.
Before the question:
The FORD Method is a conversation strategy, not an interview technique. When you ask one question after another you sound like an interviewer.
Create a comfortable runway for questions.
Use sentences before the question to soften your approach.
Before you ask, “Do you have family in the area,” Or “What do you do for a living,” say, “I’m just curious.”
Jumping from one question to the next feels like an inquisition.
Give a little of yourself before you ask the next question. “Oh, you work in the tech industry. I work in healthcare. We rely on technology all the time. How did you get into that?”
Soften questions by declaring intention. “I’d like to learn more about that. Do you mind if I ask how you got started?”
Transition from “O” to “R” (Recreation) by saying, “That sounds like a challenging job. What do you do for fun?”
Transition from “R” to “D” (Dreams) by saying, “I admire people who paint. Have you ever thought about doing that for a living?” If they haven’t thought about being an artist, ask, “What would you love to do for a job?”
What’s your best tip for building a connection with someone you don’t know?
Still curious:
If You Hate Small Talk Read This
Have better conversations using the FORD method
Perfect timing! I have a round of one-on-one meetings about to kick-off.
Here’s to building and strengthening connections. Cheers.
Take a genuine interest in the person. Find what they are feeling and empathize–truly match that feeling. This provides instant rapport.
Thanks, Dave. Having an agenda often means we leave our heart at home. Or, if we don’t leave heart at home, we just forget about it.
My cousin once had the occasion to sit beside former president, George H.W. Bush at a wedding. His first question was, “What’s you passion?” and the conversation evolved from there.
Cool! Thanks for jumping in, Paul.
This is Brilliant, Dan. I just shared this with a client who struggles in the area of small talk. My add to your FORD post: Before engaging someone in small talk, have a talk with your face to make sure it invites conversation…
It’s always encouraging to be useful. Thanks for letting me know, Hank.
Your add is wonderful. It’s funny that we forget to smile and communicate acceptance with facial expressions.
One of the things I do is tell myself I like the person I’m talking with.
Great post, Dan. In sales, we use these techniques along what’s called “mirroring.” Timely reminder to refocus my small talk skills. Although, even as an extrovert, I agree, “the simple phrase small talk can be code for torture.” I’ve got to show more empathy & hone my caring/listening ability. Sometimes I get cynical & just don’t care what someone says during small talk.
Empathy is a great word, thanks for bringing it to this conversation. Empathy gives life to techniques and strategies. Without empathy, the things we do are offensive and degrading.
Ask questions. It shows your interest in the person and the subject. I have struggled with this as an introvert, but realizing the importance of relationships have worked hard to get better at small talk and take time to build rapport.
Thanks, Chris. We just have to keep reminding ourselves that building relationships is worth it.
Thanks for this Dan. As an extroverted introvert, I can whole-heartedly agree with Ms. Susan Cain’s statement. I often find small talk to be a headache and pedantic. Often though, I have been successful in sales because I try to be a good listener and relatable. I have never heard of the “Ford method” but I find it to be very interesting. I am going to pass this along.
Thanks, Matt. I hadn’t heard of it before either, but I love a simple memory tool.
It’s good to remember that success depends on people, but not people as tools. It’s about people as people.
I recently learned in an equity seminar that people of the global majority can take offense by being asked about their occupation as it can be a judged. I will be much more likely to avoid this with strangers in the future, but the rest of the method is great. Rather than Occupation, the O could stand for cOmmon, as in ask aout something that you have in common, like what brought you to this event, or how do you know the guest of honor.