3 Lessons from Giving Away my Wife’s Money
I cashed my wife’s $48 check and determined to give it away.
A few days later we found ourselves in line behind a young couple in a department store. She’s holding a small package of diapers. He has a set of jumper cables.
I said, “Those jumper cables don’t look good.”
He said, “We’re traveling to visit family. We can’t get our car started.”
We complained about car trouble.
They looked like they lived on a tight budget and the jumper cables were a stretch. While we’re chatting, I’m having a crisis. “Buy those jumper cables,” I said to myself.
“But, what if they don’t need some stranger buying jumper cables for them? You don’t want to embarrass them.” While my heart was pounding, the cashier said, “That’s $29 sir.” I didn’t step forward.
Finally, I stepped past them and walked toward the exit. In my pocket I found a twenty, a five, and four ones. As they approached, I said, “Would you mind if I purchase those jumper cables?” and stuck out $29.
Surprised, he took the money. She said, “Can I hug you?” We did. He said, “Me too.”
I said, “Merry Christmas,” smiled, turned, and returned to my wife who was checking out with two packages of tinsel.
It’s a small thing. Normally I wouldn’t have done anything. Thankfully, I had some “give away” cash in my pocket.
Lessons learned:
- Carry some “give away” cash. A $48 budget freed me to give.
- Life feels like an adventure when I have some “give away” cash in my pocket.
- Setting a limit eliminates excuses. Boundaries create freedom.
My wife and I laugh about me giving away “her” money. We share bank accounts. I could have just as easily withdrawn cash from the ATM.
I have 10 bucks in my pocket today. I wonder who I can give it to?
What might generosity look like to you today?
Dan – this is a powerful message that is so simple but hard to do. We get stuck and most of the time we overanalyze the situation. Every time I have done what you have done, there is always a blessing. At the end of every dollar given away, there is a life that is blessed! Thanks for sharing.
Thanks Dan. It was such a joy to give away a small amount of cash. I’m determining a monthly budget for “give away” cash in 2016. It feels fun. 🙂
It is not the money, but the courage to act that defines and differentiates.
I know a Lutheran pastor in Buenos Aires who always carries “give away” money. When he sees someone on the street that might be in need, he quietly gives them a few pesos. He is the most joyous person I have ever met. And because he is so open to giving, he is always open to receiving– welcoming all people into his life. When his “give away” money is gone, he gives smiles, hugs and greetings to those he meets. He never runs out of kindness. For Pastor Gorgoza, every day is a birthday, Christmas and New Year’s — all rolled into one!
Thanks cborgstadt. Such a power comment. It’s important to know that receiving is part of giving. Those who can’t give, have trouble receiving as well. An open hand and a joyful heart seem to go together.
That’s an awesome story!
Our pastor told the story of him not buying a toilet seat a young couple had to forego when the checkout register total exceeded their budget. He is still traumatized. Glad you were the Good Samaritan and have joy instead of guilt!
One day I stopped at a grocery store near my town but not conveniently located to my home. When I checked out, they gave me a coupon to use on my next visit. Knowing I never would be back in time to use it, I sat in my car for a few seconds and saw a young couple with a kid. I popped out of my car and offered it to them. By their reaction, I would have thought I gave them $100 cash instead of a $5 coupon.
I give anonymously (SA red kettle, giving trees, Toys for Tots) but it is not easy for me to give directly to a stranger. I’ll work on this.
Thanks.
Fantastic. Every once in a while at the grocery store I hand the cashier $10 or $20 for the next person in line behind me. Usually an elderly person or a young family with kids. I’m usually in the parking lot by the time their transaction is completed. Love your columns. Sincerely, Mark
Great post. We have a portion of every paycheck deposited to a separate checking account, so it’s not part of our family budget. Then when needs present themselves, we can evaluate without the variable of if we have money or not, because there’s always money in the tithing account. I like your way even better though, it’s more direct. I may go to an ATM and take some money out of that account to carry around!
sometimes the opportunity to give gets plopped in your lap! Guy in front of me at the grocery store reaches in his pocket and gets that horrified look – credit card in the pants he had on earlier. I happened to have the cash for his small purchase. I told him to pay it forward someday when he has the chance. Made us both feel good! And now HIS radar is up, scanning for an opportunity!
I love this so much! Growing up, my Dad would randomly pay for people’s groceries. We didn’t have much money either – my Mom taught school and my Dad fixes airplanes…we didn’t have a lot of excess cash laying around. But I don’t even think my Dad was teaching us compassion or charity/community responsibilty…I think he just did it to be a good person. He still does it! But my sisters and I grew up with this example in kindness and we all still benefit from it. We all contribute to society however we’re able and we all understand what tithing is. We are grateful for what we have and understand the joy in seeing a need and being able to help.
When I was in my early, early, early 20’s I worked at Wal-Mart. I got paid $4.70 an hour and since I had to pay rent and bills, I didn’t usually…if ever…have lunch or money for lunch. I would drink the coffee because it was free in the breakroom! I became friends with a co-worker and she couldn’t have made much more than me but she was so generous…she invited me to Wendy’s for lunch one day and I declined, finally admitting that I didn’t have any money. She told me that she invited me for the company and that she could help. There were several times when the only meal I had was the one she bought me. I was never able to repay her kindness…I moved away, we lost touch…but I carry that spirit with me every day. I have been so very fortunate and blessed in life. I have a great job, a kind and wonderful husband…I can go to the grocery store and buy what I need…not just what I can afford. I have also been in the position many times as I’ve gotten older to pay my debt to that co-worker forward to someone else and I jump at it every time…even to pay for the coffee of the person behind me in line. The cool thing is that I know a lot of people who do this too and it makes me feel so good to know that there is still so much compassion and empathy for our fellow human…all year around!
I’m sorry…this kind of got long but your post today warmed my heart and I wanted to share and thank you so much for putting this out there. Merry Christmas Dan!
Dan,
Nice story! You helped them in two ways, with the resource you shared that they lacked and also knowing people along the way are on their side. On a daily basis, I have a rule for myself. It’s kind of new because I used to think about ‘well what if they just spend money on drugs or alcohol’. Now the rule is, if someone who is obviously poorer than I am asks for a dollar, give it to them right away. I always have money in my pockets now for that reason. I don’t judge or guess what they might do, the only math is whether I have it and they don’t. Since I started this a couple years ago, separating sharing my tiny wealth from judging and weighing has made a difference for me.
Merry Christmas to you and all this nice community
Feels good to be someone’s angel! Merry Christmas Dan & Friends.
Great message to start the day with and perfect timing when some are so stressed to spend money they don’t have.
Thanks for the challenge to go see who I can serve today!
Merry Christmas
Great action!
…in my mind the “win” was when you recognized the call of your own heart AND TOOK ACTION! Too many times I hear the “help them” and allow it to be quenched by “I may embarrass..” , “it’s not my place” or some other doubt.. sometimes very selfish “but I don’t have time!”
Generosity is when we allow our actions to align with those tugs and pushes on our hearts..
When my Mother was in the hospital I would sit with her and knit – more to relieve my anxiety. I was making fingerless gloves. I left the hospital one night just to get some air – drove through McDonalds for a coke and noticed the girl at the window had chapped hands from the cold. Gave her the gloves. I now keep extra ones in my car and give them to anyone who looks cold. May add scarves to the list next year. People are so grateful for a little kindness and it makes you feel good.
Wonderful story, Dan! All the stories are wonderful. I have really enjoyed reading them this morning. Recently, I was picking up some toys to donate to the Toys for Tots campaign at work and decided to stop at Starbucks to get a coffee. A lady was sitting outside with a sign that said “Homeless, please help”. I didn’t have any cash on me, so when I went into Starbucks, I picked up a gift card, put $10 on it and presented it to her when I left, and told her to use it for a cup of coffee and a sandwich inside. She was so grateful! I was so happy that I listened to my heart and bought the gift card for her. Made my day – as well as hers. I really like the suggestion of a budget for “give away” money. I am going to do that! Thanks Dan. Have a Merry Christmas!
Pure servant leadership at its best.
Dan, I love this idea. I don’t give to panhandlers often, although in the heat of summer when I see a homeless person on the street, I have been known to purchase a gallon of water, make a u-turn and go give that away. But, having some “giving” cash in my pocket would be really freeing to make decisions like you describe on the spur of the moment and without hesitation. Thank You!
Dan, That is a great example of intentional living. Certainly, most of us could keep an extra $20 in our wallet to give away. Thank you for sharing this story!
Nice story, Dan – and well done. Merry Christmas!
As a devoted fan of yours, I read each posting with anticipation of learning and new insight. Today’s story, however, gave me joy at hearing of YOUR joy…I don’t think you have ever shown such delight before, so that was pretty rewarding. Thanks.
While I was reading your post above, the song, ‘Silent Night’ by Mannheim-Steamroller was playing – it made your story even more powerful. What a wonderful feeling to give without wanting anything in return. I don’t have money to “throw away” as some people would put it, but, like you, I always try to spread cheer any opportunity I have. I don’t look at it as “throwing away” my money, I look at it as helping someone that might just need a little something right now. Someday, they might pay it forward.
Thanks for sharing your sweet story.
A few months ago, my husband and I were eating dinner at a nice Mexican restaurant…(not Taco Bell, not that there’s anything wrong with that). He noticed two servicemen having dinner. I don’t remember which branch of military. When we checked out, he asked the waitress to add a specific dollar amount on our bill, and credit theirs. I was really shocked and touched at the same time. My husband just shrugged it off, and was like, “it’s a drop in the bucket compared to what they do for us”. I have not forgotten that. When I see service men and police, I always thank them for their service, first and foremost.
If we feel the nudge in our heart and we struggle with our self to give “it” away. “It” has the hold on us, as opposed to us over “it” . No worries, we get to practice over and over…coincidence that you would have exactly $29 in your pocket…NAH!
I have to admit that I am probably overly sappy about acts of kindness in general. That could be because either they don’t happen often, or they are not sensational enough for us to hear about them. That is a really great story and I am so glad you shared with us. You may never know, but you would be surprised how that act of kindness may take on some good meaning in their life, in the lives of others that may come across their path, and also in the story they carry about the stranger that stepped in and did something nice for them even when they weren’t expecting it. You may have just made their personal Hall of Fame! Thanks again for sharing!
Today while I was driving to drop my daughter to school and waiting for single to turn green. I saw a elderly man selling combs and he looked very distressed. I could not get the courage to buy a comb from him even to support him.
I think this one big thing I need to change and have the courage to help other people in need.
Thanks Dan , Wish you happy holiday