The Right Kind of Discontentment
The world is ugly when you’re filled with discontentment.
Discontentment with the past drags you into helplessness. But dissatisfaction with the present is opportunity to change the future.
Wallowing in displeasure defeats leaders.
The wrong kind of discontentment:
Forget about “can’t do” and “don’t have.”
Forget about changing people. Expect people to change themselves. Trying to change people makes you a manipulator.
- Give feedback.
- Explain expectations.
- Offer support.
- Practice mutual accountability.
The right kind of discontentment:
#1. Radical acceptance:
Accept the world as it is. Resistance is futile.
Anger at injustice becomes an excuse to act unjustly.
#2. Reject passivity:
Acceptance isn’t passivity.
#3. Clear focus:
Focus on things you have power over. What’s within your control? If you want to end the day exhausted, try to corral the wind.
#4. Graceful confrontation.
Confront recurring offenses. Don’t tolerate negative patterns. Everyone screws up. Patterns are the problem.
#5. Criticize less.
#6. Explore perspectives.
Perhaps discontent comes from a cloudy perspective. You don’t see the whole picture.
#7. Focus on response.
Think less about what others should do and more about things you should do. What are you going to do about that?
Bonus: Enjoy the view even if the window is dirty.
What distinctions do you see between healthy and unhealthy discontentment?
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.
Thanks for a wonderful reminder, Scott. Every phrase packs a punch.
Love this: #6. Explore perspectives. Perhaps discontent comes from a cloudy perspective. You don’t see the whole picture.
We will struggle when we can’t see the ‘why’ of others thinking. Work on improving perspective taking. Most often we can do this while still achieving some benefit to self. Thanks Dan!
Thanks, wploskon. ahhh… “perspective taking.” So glad your brought that up. Discontentment is easy when I can’t see how others look at the world.
When my kids (now in their 20s) were toddlers, my husband and I would get down at their level to see what they were pointing at. Definitely helped figure out what was going on since language wasn’t going to get us there.
Brilliant. Physical perspective matters. You took me to an unexpected application.
Unhealthy discontentment–you act like a victim–blame and complain.
Healthy discontentment–you take responsibility to 1. define or clarify the source of the discontentment (define the problem) and 2. take steps to improve the situation.
And as Dan said–always focus on what you can control.
Thanks, Paul. “Blame and complain” – the dynamic duo of ineffective leadership.
Enjoy the view even if the window is dirty.
I love Your bonus/postscripts. Thank you!
Thanks, SSB. I have to thank my wife for that inspiration. This morning the sun shined through the widows in our front room where I was working. She said, “Those windows are dirty.”
It’s true. And it’s also true that the bright sun brought out the need for cleaning. 🙂
Glad you found it useful.
This was spot on! Step 7 is a great reminder to focus on the response!
Thanks, PW. It’s easier to move forward when turn to response instead of the circumstances themselves. Glad you found that useful.