Master coach instructor, creator of Metacognitive Programming, a coaching and therapeutic technique. Founder and CEO of Think Meta.
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Strong business leaders are thought to have strong characters. And they do. But how does one end up with a strong character? Is the predisposition to successfully lead a business innate to some? Or do leaders and aspiring leaders build their character strength over time?
I don’t think a strong character is something you either have or don’t have. Nor do I think strength can be built, as “building” implies creating something that did not exist before. My view is that all of us already have strength within ourselves. It might be buried deep down at the bottom, but it is there.
From External Masks To Inner Strength
Society teaches us to wear masks to be safe and accepted. These masks take different forms. Some business leaders stuff all their emotions inside, not showing them to anyone. Some focus on pleasing others so they think well of them. Some present themselves as super smart to gain respect. All these masks have their functions, of course. And yet, when we put on a mask it means we feel that we are not enough as we are. Paradoxically, you may think that the mask gives you strength, but in fact, the more you rely on it, the more fragile you are.
Then something happens: Your business goes through a serious crisis. You experience difficulties in your family life. Or you experience a personal crisis, questioning who you are and who you want to be. Importantly, these triggers are not necessarily negative. For instance, your business might, in fact, be going through a period of unexpected growth. Regardless of its nature, this trigger makes you stop and reflect upon your actions, desires and values.
This reflection provides space for you to learn what keeps you going and understand that there’s a tremendous strength awakening within you. In fact, it was always there, you just didn't recognize it before. The essence of this strength is knowing who we are, knowing what our needs are and knowing we have the power to satisfy them. But it also means knowing our values, and knowing that we are free to make choices that follow those values.
This strength can manifest as a primitive power; it can manifest in anger, determination or pride, among other things. Occasionally, this primitive power can make us dangerous to other people and society at large, and that’s why we were forced to bury it and put on a mask in the first place. In other words, we all have power, but not everyone knows how to control it.
The leaders I admire and respect most are the ones who know they can use their power at any moment but choose not to. You can lead as a dictator, shutting down everyone who dares to challenge your thoughts and actions. You can find subtle ways of punishing those who made you angry. Or you can decide not to follow the wave of anger, frustration or vanity. Do not act on those feelings, but allow them to pass. When you are grounded, your mind is in a good place for making decisions that align with your true self and not merely your primitive power.
Mastering the ability to control your primitive power equals having a strong character.
Start Finding Your Strength
If you are a business leader or aspire to be one, you might be wondering where to start. I’d say there is not a single correct answer. However, there are a few places from which you can start getting to know your genuine strength.
• Be curious about yourself. Approach your thoughts and emotions as interesting internal experiences that can guide you.
• Ask yourself big questions—and be honest while replying to them. Often, we lie to ourselves. But we somehow always know when we do this. So ask yourself, and answer honestly: Who am I? Who do I want to be? Where am I now with my business? What do I want to achieve in the future? What kind of relationship do I have with my employees? What are my needs? What are my values? I particularly like the values-related question because our thoughts and emotions are temporary, while values are more stable and permanent. Values might be the greatest guides toward understanding what keeps you going. Additional values-related questions to ask yourself: Do my actions reflect my values? Am I true to myself? What’s the purpose of everything I am doing?
• Remind yourself daily that you always have a choice to think, feel and act differently.
I would be lying if I said I always have answers to all of these questions. In fact, I’m not sure it’s possible to have all the answers at all times. But I do often ask myself these questions. And I do remind myself of our shared ability to make choices. These things ground me, allowing me to put down the mask and take responsibility for my business and my life in general.
Conclusion
To conclude, we all have needs. We all have the resources to fill those needs. But more importantly, we also have our callings. We have values, interests and desires to do things for purposes greater than simply fulfilling our own needs. Those who become aware of their calling and realize that they have choices in terms of how to pursue that calling are the people who are ready to reveal their strength. They are ready to put down their masks and take responsibility. They lead not only by following their brain but also their hearts.
Such people can encourage others to take their share of the responsibility, and I believe we start seeing true progress exactly when we all take our share. Responsible and genuinely strong individuals build a genuinely strong society. Your duty as a leader is to be authentic and strike a spark others will want to follow.
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