Leadership Derailers: Self-Reliance
Two-year olds exclaim, “I’ll do it by myself.” But everything leaders hope to accomplish will eventually be done by others.
Merriam Webster defines self-reliance simply as, “reliance on one’s own efforts and abilities.”
You aren’t leading if you can do it yourself.
The dark side of self-reliance is disconnection.
Connection and collaboration are messy. It’s easier to dictate from a distance than collaborate in relationship.
Bodies around the table don’t indicate connection with the team.
Mindless compliance gives the illusion of collaboration.
3 collaboration questions:
When was the last time…
- Someone disagreed with you?
- You explored several alternatives instead of running with the first idea?
- You said, “What do you think?” (And listened deeply.)
12 collaboration skills:
- Respect for colleagues’ contributions.*
- Openness to experimenting with others’ ideas.*
- Sensitivity to how one’s actions may affect both colleagues’ work and the mission’s outcome.*
- Let others speak without interruption so that you understand their contribution. (Perhaps the toughest challenge of collaboration.)
- Declare your point of view with confidence AND willingness to learn.
- Thank people when they disagree or offer alternatives.
- Embrace new ideas. Reflect on new ideas with a “what might work” approach, before shooting ideas down.
- Develop emotional intelligence. Notice how you occur to others, for example.
- Ask open ended questions. (I asked Tom Rath, author of Strengthsfinders 2.0, about asking questions. 1:06)
- Define the problem and the goal. Explore the path forward.
- Know the strengths of fellow team members. You can’t collaborate until you know and respect what others do well.
- Have some fun. Effective collaboration is enhanced by strong relationships. Know each other’s formative stories.
“No matter how brilliant your mind or strategy, if you’re playing a solo game, you’ll always lose out to a team.” Reid Hoffman, co-founder of Linkedin
Collaboration is an act of trust.
What hinders or blocks collaboration?
What leadership qualities best facilitate collaboration?
Bonus material:
*Francesa Gino, November – December 2019 HBR
10 Simple Ways to Build a Collaborative, Successful Work Environment (Entrepreneur)
Coming soon: Interview with Tom Rath about his new book, “Life’s Great Question.” 2/4/2020
What hinders or blocks collaboration? Overblown EGO’s, individuals who only see things their way, “it’s my way or the highway”, types. Failure to communicate. Staying in their office instead of mingling with the companies people.
What leadership qualities best facilitate collaboration? Learning to be flexible knowing not everything is written in stone. Having an open mind that there are many options available, having the willingness to sit down and discuss things openly. Understanding “we don’t live in a perfect world”. keeping mindful that there is always room for improvement, that it doesn’t take giant steps.
Thanks Tim. You outdid yourself today!
For me, — Understanding “we don’t live in a perfect world” is so important. Much frustration comes from rejecting reality. Let’s face it. Some things just suck. So let’s accept that and work to make things incrementally better.
Let’s face it. Most things will never be perfect.
Said the Mentor to the student! 🙂 Glad to be of assistance….
Ouch! I’m outed here, Dan!
There are some things I truly can’t care about much
(how I “occur” to others, for instance
[ “I” am not the issue here – our mutual objective is …] )
And there are others that I do
(“Go along to get along” is mindless compliance that gives the illusion that we have options when this bad idea goes wrong – positively evil)
Collaboration happens when the doers and thinkers can agree,
the doers on the strategy they don’t want to talk about yet must adhere to,
and the thinkers on the tactics they don’t care about but must appreciate the consequences …
My experience is that it is one individual who can articulate the mission in a way that all can affirm and execute … all with confidence in one another that they will do their part well and completely …
Whom we look to (trust and) call the play when the field conditions have changed (assumptions challenged, as it were).
THAT person needs to be confident and self-reliant when the chips are down, methinks.
Genuine innovation happens at the individual level, not the committee level. But collaboration (as your points are above) is a necessity in any case. The rest of us can’t depend (or make ourselves dependent upon) THAT person.
It’s not fair to them, or us.
Thanks Rurbane. I always enjoy your comments. My observation in general is that those who need emotional intelligence the most are the ones who devalue it the most. 🙂
How you occur to others involves both you and the other person. Adapting to people is an important social skill that enables and strengthens relationships.
Respectfully
Hmmm, guess I’m like Greta Thumberg in that respect,
“Don’t make me Do/Fix this;
you won’t like it my Way!” 🙃
Tim, I have done alot as a leader to make my team more comfortable at work. I have tried using empathy and all other factors to collaborate. Ask open questions to know their challenges and how to help. I have helped a lot. I have mingled as a team and also individually to know what’s really each individual’s problem that’s making them misbehave on the job. After doing this, I get no feedback as what the issues really are. They only apologise and pledge to make things better. When ever I dekegae to them, they do it shabily. For me, I believe nothing can be perfect or maybe these ones are just from the pit of hell sent to cause problems rather than being a solution.
One of the biggest issues here is around the illusion of inclusion: opinions are sought, sometimes discussed, but ultimately it’s somebody’s way or the high way. Every year, there will be at least one meeting I’m in where the chair says “Ideas don’t count, opinions don’t count. This is not a democracy!” Usually with a least one word that won’t get published on here…
Thanks Mitch. There is a time and place for giving direction. The thing I get from your comment is there is also a respectful way to do it.
I wonder if it’s insecurity that makes some leaders arrogant and unnecessarily bossy.
You are and let me add that some times too, the team a leader manages too can make a leader to change as be bossy. Until we engage these leaders and discuss these issues, we may be wrong in our judgments
What hinders or blocks collaboration? I’d say desire, attitude and focus from others hinders collaboration. I am the master of Spreadsheets at work, I detail, I organize the large spreadsheets that we need for certain activities and am very detailed as I do so. Attempting to push various spreadsheet efforts downward has been met with extreme resistance and even sloppy incomplete work efforts by some because if they do a bad job they won’t get the spreadsheets work again. It is also not a good thing that I am the only one doing what I do and all know that. So again desire, attitude, focus and actually wanting to collaborate and do more than one is doing now hinder collaboration and forward direction. I am still wanting to have Mr. Peabody and Sherman take me back in the “Wayback Machine” to eliminate whoever invented the Spreadsheet because working them is life sucking when you do so day after day after day.
Thanks Roger. Tell me what you really think! 🙂 .. Your reference to Bullwinkle is golden!!
Collaboration’s challenge is that it involves others.
Jealousy and insecurity of certain people that I have worked with in the past caused me to retreat and become a one-woman show at my job. Now that I am in management, I don’t have a choice but to interact with other people, no matter how badly I get the urge to work alone. My new coworkers make it a much easier process, but it is still a balancing act. I will definitely have to remember your quote, “You aren’t leading if you can do it yourself.” I am no longer in a position to shut down like I used to. This is going to be a tough one.
Dan, really great post and I love this: “Connection and collaboration are messy. It’s easier to dictate from a distance than collaborate in relationship” and this: “No matter how brilliant your mind or strategy, if you’re playing a solo game, you’ll always lose out to a team.” Reid Hoffman, co-founder of Linkedin
Collaboration is an act of trust.”
P.S. Henry Cloud, PhD has a profound book that is eye-opening on the power of relationships: The Power of the Other. The impact we have with others and the impact those around us have on us is underrated and needs more attention in the workplace and beyond.
Thanks Alan. So great to read your insights. Glad to see you here today. I continue to believe and learn that relationships are where it’s at.
Brilliant , it says all for a leader .
I want to offer a different perspective. I teach Group Dynamics courses with undergrad and graduate students in a health care profession. I see natural leaders and followers among my students. The qualities of going it alone, seeing all the moving parts, self-regulation and efficiency have allowed the natural leaders to rise in their schooling–these qualities got them where they are, they rely on them to get them further. Similarly for followers, they comply with expectations, don’t question the authority, stay under the radar–they, too, got to where they are following this internal compass and expect it will serve them well as professionals. Both groups need to learn how to be collaborative leaders, not just with their colleagues, but also with their patients. They are often anxious to let go of the very qualities that led to their school success, and it’s a long process to learn these new skills. I think that what we perceive as “ego” and rigidity in leaders are, at base, anxiety–about letting go of qualities that got people to where they are. Followers tend toward resentment of the leaders, but their own anxiety prevents them from speaking up. Courses in group dynamics that have an experiential component are invaluable in providing a safe space for all types of students to experiment with new, collaborative leadership skills early in their careers.