Gratefulness isn’t about Rose-Colored Glasses – the Real Practice of Gratitude
Gratitude expands leadership. Ingratitude corrodes everything it touches.
Ingratitude is too dangerous to ignore.
The alternatives to gratitude include:
- Self-absorption.
- Disappointment.
- Entitlement.
- Anger.
- Accusation.
- Bitterness.
- Anxiety.
Remembering:
Gratitude is a way of remembering the past.
Gratefulness isn’t about rose-colored glasses. Think about darkness in the past to enhance gratitude in the present.
You’ve sweat and bled, but you’re still here. Leadership had it’s disappointments, but you persevered. Congratulations!
Remember…
- Obstacles you rose above.
- Challenges you stepped into.
- Pains you worked through.
- Growth you experienced because you struggled, failed, and kept going.
- People who stood with you when blackhearts and cowards turned away.
Bonus: Even the blackhearts in your past might inadvertently contribute to your future. What if the people you resent actually make you better?
“Remembering failures, sorrows, and other painful experiences is more beneficial to gratitude than recalling only successes.” (Gratitude Works)
Noticing:
Gratitude is a way of noticing the present.
- Needs are opportunity to add value to others. Serving is opportunity, not obligation.
- Who is providing benefit to you?
- Others join you in the battle. You aren’t alone.
- People listen to you. You speak and people consider. They might not agree, but they’re paying attention.
- What small pleasures are you experiencing? The smell of coffee? The touch of a loved one? An office with a door?
Practical suggestions:
#1. Say it. Don’t simply think it.
Unexpressed gratitude is, in practical terms, ungratefulness.
#2. Gratitude moves in two directions.
Gratitude enriches those who receive it and those who extend it.
#3. Enjoy imperfect progress. You’re an ingrate if you wait for perfection to say thank you.
Many of the best things in leadership sprout in the soil of gratitude.
What makes us ungrateful?
What dark thing in your past actually enhances your gratitude in the present?
Bonus material:
Gratitude Works!: A 21-Day Program for Creating Emotional Prosperity (Emmons)
7 Gratitude Questionaires and Scales that Scientists Use (Positive Psychology)
The Grateful Disposition (Research)
Thanks again Dan for a timely morning blog. One of my favorite quotes – “Some people are here to be sandpaper for our souls” – adorns my office wall. Keeps me mindful that EVERYONE helps me grow and therefore I am grateful for them all.
Thanks Jo Ann. Ooooo, love the sandpaper quote. Although, I think I prefer massages to sandpaper.
“I have learned silence from the talkative, toleration from the intolerant, and kindness from the unkind; yet, strange, I am ungrateful to those teachers.” ~Khalil Gibran
Love that, Duane. Very practical.
Sometimes the best move when in a dark place is to consciously plan to make someone’s life just a little bit better today. Doesn’t have to be much…..just consciously look for the opportunity. Those outreaches boost both the giver and the receiver.
Thanks Mary Ellen. One reason we are stagnant is we are waiting to do the BIG STUFF. But, in the end, it’s the small stuff that makes a daily difference.
Thanks for this important post and affirmation, Dan. Remembering to be grateful has changed my life for the better, and hopefully will effect my children as they take on Life.
“Gratitude is the elixir of life.” Carlos Santana
Actually, Santana’s quote was “Gratitude is the elixir for total happiness.”
Thanks Michael. I love that Santana is being quoted on this blog post. How cool is that?
That which doesn’t kill you can make you stronger.
But only if you respect it and give it the dignity it requires.
The dignity requires humility (it’s not just about you/us),
the respect gratitude (for the opportunity to share in the experience – becoming “woke” – it’s not just about this/now).
“Memory [experience] really matters … if it binds together the imprint of the past and the project of the future, if it enables us to act w/o forgetting what it is we wanted to do, to become w/o ceasing to be, and to be w/o ceasing to become.”
Thanks Rurbane. You used one of my favorite words….humility. I’m relative distant from the term, but I believe in it. Gratitude and arrogance are antithetical. Humility is fundamental to gratitude. We must accept that we are receiving benefit if we are going to be grateful.
Thank you Dan!! I needed this today.
Best wishes on the journey.
As we are on the cusp of the holiday season you take use through LeadershipFreak’s remake of A Christmas Carol. As the ghost of leadership past takes us on a journey to relive the obstacles and challenges of our past we become more inclined to grateful for our present. I think it is the ghost of leadership future, as with the Dickens’ original holiday novella, that will be the one to make us truly express our gratitude. Where will we end up as leaders if we cannot see our successes as they stand today and how they can guide our future? As human beings I think we all need to feel a sense of progress in order to maintain that positive outlook. The trick is to recognize and harness the influence of our past but not to dwell on it so much that it defines how we view ourselves. There is still the present to consider and a future that is uncertain; our value is not restricted to only come from a certain period of time.
Thanks Garry. You had me at “cusp”. Great word. After that, the Christmas Carol metaphor works for me. “The ghost of leadership past haunts some and energizes others. As in Dickens, our response to the past impacts the present and future.
Gratitude is more likely to energize than bitterness.
Dan,
I’m grateful for you and your provocative blog posts.
Keep up the good work!
Thanks,
Paul B Thornton
Thanks Paul. My pleasure. And, thanks for all the great comments you have left over time.
Inspirational commentary as usual, Dan. Timely, as well. The two offices where I work have just posted gratitude boards where we can post the things for which we are grateful. Even the smallest blessing deserves our gratitude. In alignment with the sandpaper analogy, two priests I know advised in their Sunday homilies that we should be grateful even for the people in our lives who aggravate or irritate us. They can help us to grow, to develop more patience, understanding or fortitude. They are like sandpaper or even fire, helping to burnish and polish us so that we shine more brightly.
Good afternoon,
Great article.
I have seen my fair share of struggles, trials, tribulations and challenges. No doubt, I will always have a battle to face during this lifetime. That is reality. I am grateful because through it all I have learned to be guided by spirit and moved by faith. I realize that there is something “greater than me” that fights my daily battles.
My gratitude stems from being humble, modest, appreciative. I have much to be thankful for. I can look outside on a bright, sunny day and see golden hues falling upon the face of the earth. A person who was born sight-impaired cannot see such a sight. I can wake up in the morning to the sounds of nature, which include birds humming. A person born hearing impaired cannot enjoy such sounds.
These are the little things in life that I am grateful for.
As Servants there is nothing better than a simple “thank you” for those we share the journey with! These little things have made my journey rewarding! We know we connected that moment.
I have never considered gratitude from the perspective of remembering the past through it. Expressing appreciation for the people and things in your life has so many benefits, especially in the workplace. Noticing the people and areas to give thanks to is essential in applying the practical suggestions that have been listed. Numbers one through four are particularly insightful for me! They seem to be so obvious, yet I have been overlooking them. As for the practical suggestions, number three was the reminder that I did not know that I needed! It is so easy to get caught up in life that we forget some of the greatest things are built on failures. Imperfect progress is an amazing phrase and a reminder that progress is progress no matter what, and accepting this is where self-gratitude comes in.
Often, it feels more difficult and out of mind to turn the gratitude inwards, especially in the workplace. Understanding that imperfect progress is simply one step closer to a goal, no matter how ugly that step is, means allowing yourself to be less than perfect and grateful for any advancement. Finding those dark memories to be grateful for in the present seems more doable from this perspective!
For anyone struggling with this topic I highly recommend the book, Unglued Devotional by Lysa Terkeurst.