Carolyn Stern
In a new and scientific way bound to turn leadership on its head, leadership development expert and professor Carolyn Stern shares in her new book that "Emotions are actually our superpowers." In her just-released book, The Emotionally Strong Leader: An Inside-Out Journey to Transformational Leadership, she says leaders must "get inspired, take action, and achieve more by leading with emotional intelligence."
"I really want to let people know our emotions are the universal language that unites us all. It's a language we can all relate to and understand," said Stern during our detailed interview. "No matter where you come from, no matter how diverse, or digital we are across the globe, I think it's really important that we all speak the same language. I was sick and tired of hearing these leaders say that emotions are weak. I decided to write a book on why your emotions are actually your superpower if you can learn how to embrace the meaning that they provide us."
It appears many leaders believe that emotions are beneath them. It's perhaps been this way for several years. When I asked Carolyn why this was still the case in 2022, she gave her professional insight: "I think people have grown up thinking you need to be stoic, unflappable, and unhindered," she stated. "Something I have had to help people unlearn is that as leaders you don't need to be the problem-solving hero."
Oftentimes, employees can be dealing with problems related to their work and find it easier to ask their boss to fix the problem instead of doing the work themselves. However, Carolyn stated, "As leaders, you don't need to give your employees the answers." Instead, she believes that leaders need to remember that they are teachers. "If leaders are giving the answers," she continued, "this creates a culture of dependency."
Stern recommends that leaders ask good questions such as, 'What do you think you should do?' Then, the teacher and team members can come up with great solutions.
At some point, we've all been told to "check our emotions at the door" before coming into the office. We've been trained to believe emotions are harmful and not welcomed or allowed in the workplace. However, Carolyn tells us in her book that "emotions are not the enemy." So how do we help leaders not only understand that employees have emotions but also what do leaders do with those emotions? Ultimately, how are leaders better able to shift their mindset about this important superpower?
"The Emotionally Strong Leader"
"Your emotions don't have an on and off switch," she said. "They don't turn off when you get to the office, and they don't turn on when you leave the office. They're with us all the time. And how people feel at work affects how they perform at work. I think it's important that you check in with your employees to see how they're feeling. Leaders don't need to be their employees' emotional therapist; they need to figure out 'the why' of what is bothering that employee. It's really taking that objective stance of your emotions."
Many adults in the workplace struggle with their emotions. This pattern starts at a young age. Unfortunately, what is being taught and demonstrated to us as children is insufficient regarding emotional intelligence. Within our K-12 and higher education systems, children are not being taught the importance of our emotions. The consequences are felt years down the road in the workplace. It's as though everyone needs a crash course in the Pixar classic film based on our emotions, Inside Out.
"It's really about teaching people the mental skills and cognitive strategies to being bigger than their emotions and to look at objectively how they're feeling, why they're feeling, and what they're feeling," Carolyn shared.
Society seems to produce non-emotionally intelligent graduates into the workforce, complemented by poorly demonstrating or even non-EI functioning leaders. We need to understand that, as Carolyn suggested, "Emotional Intelligence is simply just being able to use the information our emotions provide to act appropriately in the face of daily challenges. It's being able to understand, express, and manage our own emotions. It's being able to have good relationships, mutually satisfying relationships, and maintaining those relationships. It's also about thinking clearly and solving problems under pressure," she exclaimed.
Watch the interview with Carolyn Stern and Dan Pontefract in full below or listen to it via the Leadership NOW series podcast.
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