The Proven Path to T.R.U.S.T.
Everything takes longer when you don’t trust those around you.
Mistrust doubles the cost of doing business. Professor John Whitney, Columbia Business School.
5 qualities of low trust organizations:
- Redundancy.
- Bureaucracy.
- Politics.
- Disengagement.
- Turnover.
See more in the, “The Speed of Trust,” by Stephen M.R. Covey.
5 steps to building TRUST
I’m a sucker for an acronym. I’m running with this one from Judith Glaser’s book, “Conversational Intelligence.”
Transparency
- Tell people who you are if you expect to see who they really are.
- Tell people what’s going on. Insecurity inspires protective barriers.
- “Be Present.” I can’t trust you if you aren’t really here.
Relationship – tell people where they stand
- Candor with gentleness is kind; uncertainty cruel.
- People want to know if they fit in.
- People wonder if they are good enough.
Joy requires trust.
Understanding – communicate with context
- “A picture with a frame becomes a different picture.” Judith Glaser
- Uncertainty births confusion. Background eliminates confusion.
- Explain intentions, dreams, and long-term goals.
Shared success – demonstrate how we win together
- Reject monologue. Embrace dialog.
- Help others standout.
- Use status to give status.
Tell the truth at all times
- “Don’t make the situation look better than it is, even if you can.” Judith Glaser
- Hard truths are the most important truths.
- Confront in the smallest context possible.
Courage to say what you see is the first step toward real leadership.
How can leaders build trust?
**This post is inspired by Judith Glaser’s book, “Conversational Intelligence.”
Well, will take that a step farther…..if you GET it…it will change your life.
NOTHING happens until there is trust.
Not a little happens until, nothing until.
Want Trust to emerge?
Simple, connect Whys!!!
First one YOURS with YOU!!!!! Yep the longest 18 inch journey ever trevailed!! The one from the head to the heart!!!
Then you have something to connect with others!!!
Can you see if you have not switched YOU on there is nothing for others to connect with??
See if you want to make a cake…..you got to bake!!!!
Connecting Whys is putting the pan with ingredients in it into the oven!!!!
If you don’t do this all you got us a pan with ingredients in it!!!
You want a cake, you must bake!!
Till you got it together and stretch out your open hand how you gonna have something for others to connect to??
You don’t!!!! That is why getting straight in your own head and heart comes first.
Want to do that??? Want you some??
Today buy Start With Why!!! Read, better yet buy the book the kind you can touch and buy the audio book.
Read and listen to the same time retention and comprehension zooms up to 68%!!!
Or chase your tail trying other stuff!! Hehe
Good day!!
The Dude Abides, especially with the reading and listening stuff!!
SP
EA
Thanks Scott. I can’t trust you if you don’t know who you are. Or to put it another way, I can’t trust you if you are a poser. Connect heart, head, and hands. Cheers
Trusting relationships are difficult to build unless the parties involved are willing to make themselves vulnerable. That being said, it is absolutely worth the effort! A book I am currently reading, “Daring Greatly” By Brene Brown, describes this perfectly. The experience of worthiness and truly becoming engaged (i.e exposing one’s true self) requires the courage to take risks. Understandably, many people are averse to risks, but the benefits of doing just that are so great. Unburdened by fear, you can truly and freely live your life, experience joy and practice gratitude.
So grateful for your blogs, Mr. Rockwell. I am learning….
Thanks Gabrielle. Bingo! Brene’s work is AMAZING. Enjoy!
For others who might be interested, “Daring Greatly,” is must reading.
Gabrielle I could not agree more with your opening line. Not everyone places great worth in trusting relationships. In my own life, I have reached out to one in authority with humility and compassion, who does not prescribe to my vision, or mission, (which is promoting Character-Based Leadership) . This individual is a tried and true Autocratic leader that controls through the negative use of power and authority. My attempt at connecting was met with defiant arrogance. “Some people just don’t get it”. However, like sharing your faith in God, you must try for ALL need to hear the truth. Some just can’t handle the truth…….
Thanks Gabrielle
Steve
Who in their right mind thumbed down these beautiful words??
Ok that’s right anonymous folks obviously not in their right mind!!!
I live what you said and Brene rocks!!
Woman has guts to say it like she sees it!!
Party on Wayne!!!
From me Gabrielle your third thumbs up!!!
That is what I am talking about turn around kiss myself!!!!
SP
EA
Scott. I’ve asked you before to leave the the thumbs down and thumbs up rating system alone. Please reserve your comments to the topic of the day. I’m asking you again to respect my decision to allow the rating system to remain in place. Thank you.
Right, I apologize did not mean to disrespect your decision.
Meant to give Gabrielle a little admiration.
Forgive my misstep. Not a purposeful misstep.
SP
EA
This is exactly what I needed for my 10:30 today. I have pointed a great many people to this blog in the past month or two and this is why.
Indeed it is a powerful acronym, and I particularly delight in seeing Transparency at the top. Even with all of the other points in place, if there is so much as an appearance that you are hiding something, trust evaporates. Thanks, Dan.
Thanks Steven. It’s a real joy to be of service. The beauty of transparency is it gives permission to let ourselves be seen. If you dare to be transparent, it gives me courage to do the same.
Sure, there are people who abuse transparency. But, it’s an essential in my book.
I was surprised that Judith put “Be Present” in the transparency category. After some thought, it makes sense. It’s necessary to be present in order to be transparent. 🙂
Great post Dan.
I read this before my workout and as I exercised, I was wondering about why there is such a lack of trust in leadership. And it occurred to me. How many people in leadership positions really have a good REASON to build trust with their team and people? If their position is secure. And if fear is what people keeps them coming to work because they need the money to pay the bills and survive. What’s them motivation for leaders to be trustworthy?
When people care enough or have enough foresight to think long term, it might make sense. We live in a microwave society where people think mainly about what’s the payoff in the short term.
I’ve been in both leadership positions and as a regular ’employee’ and it seems that oftentimes people in organizations have to put out more effort to build trust ‘uphill’ then those at the top extend downward. It’s like there is this unspoken belief that leadership is entitled to blind trust where as everyone else has to work for it to earn it.
How to bridge that gap? How can leaders be INSPIRED to WANT to build trust with their people?
We talk a lot about trust…I just haven’t seen much ‘effort’ in my lifetime. NOT that there aren’t good leaders who try. There are. We simply need more.
It’s important to me to be both honest and trustworthy. Not perfect. Honest and trustworthy.
And that’s what I want and expect from the people I live and/or work with and for.
Some people say it’s better to have no expectations. However, I believe we are setting the bar WAY too low if we say there should be no expectations. ‘Never expect anything from anyone.’
Really?
Imagine a business staying in business or doing well with that motto? Or a marriage where there is ZERO expectation? Don’t be honest. Don’t be faithful. Be here if you WANT to be here. The children don’t mind if you are gone for weeks at a time… (grins)
Imagine how well things work without at least SOME reasonable expectations?
But I digress. : )
I love your list of trust builders Dan. Now lets be people committed to doing it.
Thanks Samantha. Love your inclusion of layers of power/authority in the trust conversation.
For those at the the top, building trust/earning trust is a powerful example to everyone else. Arrogance is often the reason top leaders don’t build trust. “I’ve paid my dues. I deserve trust.”
Humility says we are always earning the privileged of serving others. Effective service requires trust.
I enjoyed your rambling on the topic of expectations. 🙂
Thanks Samantha. “Darn thats good”!
Steve
Good morning Dan
Trust and integrity are so important. When organizations have trustworthy leadership they will begin to believe that something bad can be turned into something good. Trust can take an average group of individuals and turn them into an effective, efficiant team focused on vision, mission, and most importantly oneanother. Leaders we don’t trust create negative atmospheres within their organization. Morale plummits, volunteerism disappears, sharing infromation comes to an abrupt halt all due to lack of trust and integrity. Most people base their decision to trust another on how that person faces the BIG ISSUES of life. Trust in leadership is about the small moments when we make our decisions (because) THEY build the larger foundation for our integrity. We can’t choose to live with integrity only when it’s convenient. Never believe that the little things don’t matter as long as we’re ‘saying’ The Right Things, because it’s our ACTIONS that count as well. Thought is supreme-we must preserve the right mental attitude, the attitude of honesty, courage, frankness, trustworthyness, and ‘good cheer’. “If we want others to trust us, if we want to develope healthy relationships, if we want to help others while helping ourselves, we have to be leaders of Integrity”. Every circumstance or situation life places us in is an opportunity to make freinds or allies. At the end of the day you don’t turn around to find you’ve left nothing but enimies in your wake.
CheersDan
Dan –
My One Word for 2014 is TRUST. I’m trying to see my life through a lens of trust. I love acrostics/acronyms as they really help frame your memorization of concepts. Thanks for sharing.
Hi Matt
I assume you’ve read the book ‘One Word’. I have as well. This concept of choosing our ‘one word’ brings real focus and purpose to our lives and helps us to see the world and ourselves differently but in a positive manner. My word is Service.
Thanks Matt
Steve
Hey Steve! My pastor and friend Mike Ashcraft co-authored the initial “My One Word” with Rachel Olsen. At our church we’ve been practicing this for the past 6 years and it has been an essential part of my faith walk.
I love the word service. Ghandi said, “The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in service of others.” (may need to fact check that)
The 2nd principle of my forthcoming book “You Make My Life Rich” deals with ‘Investing in Others” – love the word and would love to hear how it’s affecting your life.
Matt It is amazing when you really focus on your one word. It took awhile but soon after choosing the word ‘Service’, I found myself waking in the morning with service on my mind. As a Christian of 37 years, I believed I realized my word’s true meaning. I’ve been a Deacon for over 15 years and have always valued those who serve, especially when they reach out to help those who can do nothing for them. There is ‘so’ much need in our world, communities, our families and churches, and of-course our places of employment. Once I choose service, the vast need and opportunity is so much more evident. People are hurting, they need help and reassurance that others care enough to do what they can to help. It’s not a ‘handout’, it’s a ‘HANDUP”. Our nation has lost our morale compass. I remember as a young child volunteerism was regularly practiced. We reached out to help our neighbors and friends because it’s the right thing to do. Our world has become a ‘me’ world. To many now focus on “whats in it for me”. Our nation, churches, communities, etc., etc. need to make a shift from me to we.
Good luck with your new book Matt. Currently my studies and efforts have focused on designing a Character-Based Leadership Training Program. I’ve been giving presentations on the topic for more than 5 years. As a State employee I am finding that change is very slow. Many who are in positions of authority publicly support my vision, but behind closed doors and undercover, they do not for for fear of losing their power and authority. I’d like to hear more about your new book Matt. Steve drakesteve@ymail.com reach out anytime Matt
Hello Dan, another great post, thanks.
Trust is lost long before it can be created.
The data on employee engagement points to the source of the trust problem.
About 80% of employees self report that they are not engaged which indicates that 80% of employees either do not fit their jobs or their managers do not fit their jobs.
If we want to build trust, then we need to start hiring managers who fit their jobs and then hire employees who fit their jobs.
This is not hard to do but someone needs to share with CEOs why and how this works.
“Trust is the residue of promised fulfilled. ” Frank Navran
This has so much to do with so much, like Bob Gately’s thoughts above and Samantha and Steve’s ideas.
And Bob Whipple posted up a nice blog with lots of details and a solid model at:
http://thetrustambassador.com/2014/03/22/improving-the-vision-of-leaders/
Another incisive post thank you Dan. I have always loved this quote which serves too remind me that trust is precious and not to be treated lightly “Trust is only ever lent – not given”
I’d also encourage people to check out Brene’s work – she is glorious!!
Trust is bitter sweet, great when those we trust do what is expected, bad when they’ve chosen short cuts “which they know they should not do” and we trusted them to perform correctly which dissolves trust quickly, of course we have to catch them. Always seems to be someone, somewhere to tip the apple cart.
The percentage of “trusting leaders” to “non-trusting leaders” is likely similar to the percentage of “trusting employees” to “non-trusting employees”. However, there are many more employees than leaders in a company and so the likelihood that a leader encounters a “non-trusting employee is quite high. Leaders get discouraged just like employees and one bad apple can spoil the barrel. So, IMO, there needs to be a certain persistence among employee colleagues to encourage trustworthiness and to discourage/censure those who do not embody that ideal. I hope this doesn’t sound like “sour grapes” but, in an environment where litigation is so easily thrown at discrimination, giving “trust” to some and not to others can be a worrisome choice for leaders.
Dennis
Your comment is so very true. All people play a role in regard to building trust with others and within an organization. I agree the ratio between untrusting and employees and leaders IS lopsided. However the leader can not afford to sit by idlly as trust goes down the drain. We all especially leaders must learn new ways to build trust within their sphere’s of influence. “Either learn to love to learn, or learn to lose”.
Steve
Thank you, Dan, for bringing up this subject.
Some personal observations:
-Trust is at the foundation of the stability of our economy and our families.
-Trust is the reason we can do business fast – or not. It costs less than a lawyer.
-Trust is at the basis of all stewardship behavior.
-Trust may be assumed before being demonstrated, but needs to be proven to receive confirmation and grow.
-Love trusts. (1 Corinthians 13 – “Love believes all things, hopes all things”) I believe that distrust destroys love, as does betrayed trust.
A great book on trust is:
Horsager, David (2009). The Trust Edge: How Top Leaders Gain Faster Results, Deeper Relationships, and a Stronger Bottom Line. New York: Free Press.
Horsager writes eloquently of 8 pillars of trust as follows:
1. Clarity: People trust the clear and mistrust the ambiguous
2. Compassion: People put fait in those who care beyond themselves
3. Character: People notice those who do what is right over what is easy.
4. Competency: People have confidence in those who stay fresh, relevant, and capable.
5. Commitment: People believe in those who stand through adversity.
6. Connection: People want to follow, buy from, and be around friends.
7. Contribution: People immediately respond to results.
8. Consistency: People love to see the little things done consistently.
I like your statement “uncertainty births confusion.” Taking this to the next step, uncertainty can lead to negative assumption which can impact the trust in a relationship before it even starts.
Always listen and follow up! (especially whith your teams!)
The tallest mountain for most people in leadership or not the T transparency in the acronym T.R.U.S.T. forgetting that without the T there is no TRUST everything becomes but RUST. Thanks Dan for this from the moment I stumbled on this site I have been hooked.
Hi Bernard. Thanks for your insight and kind words. Cheers