Find your Coach
BetterUp
Request a demo

Active Listening: What is it & techniques to become an active listener

December 16, 2022 - 12 min read

Men-working-in-modern-office-active-listening

Jump to section

What are listening skills?

What is active listening?

How to be an active listener: 8 techniques to improve your active listening skills

Becoming the best conversation partner through active listening

Practicing our listening skills is the key to effective communication. When we don’t pay attention, we might miss someone’s point, leading to assumptions, misunderstandings, and poor problem-solving. This is where active listening comes in.

What are listening skills?

Listening skills are what we practice doing during conversations to retain information and thoughtfully respond. Many types of listening skills exist, from remembering facts from an exchange to improving body language to stay focused. 

Many kinds of listening exist, each with skills to make them more effective in different situations. Here are three examples of scenarios where you might employ active listening skills: 

  • Empathic: Understanding another person’s experience and point of view requires empathic listening. While listening to the speaker’s feelings, imagine yourself in their shoes or think back to a similar experience. This type of listening helps us keep an open mind and work past our biases.
  • Critical: Resolving a conflict or complex problem requires critical listening. We’ll use critical thinking and problem-solving skills to analyze the main points, see the bigger picture, and consider the best solution. These skills are particularly valuable in the workplace. 
  • Discriminative: Recognizing nonverbal communication like someone’s body language, tone of voice, facial expressions, and other mannerisms, is discriminative listening. Learning to interpret these signs is key to picking up on subtleties and reading between the lines.

Practicing our listening skills is the key to effective communication. When we don’t pay attention, we might miss someone’s point, leading to assumptions, misunderstandings, and poor problem-solving.

What is active listening?

Active listening is when we work to understand and retain the content of the message conveyed. We’re actively participating in the listening process. Regardless of what type of listening we’re employing, remaining attentive to the person speaking will improve our focus, understanding, and engagement. 

Here are three active listening examples and scenarios:

  • You’re working on a presentation with a few team members. Everyone turns off their phone and puts it out of sight. You all make eye contact often, ask thoughtful follow-up questions, and respectfully debate solutions to any problems.
  • You’re frustrated about the division of labor at home. While you express your frustrations, your partner or roommate asks clarifying questions to understand your position better, share their thoughts, and point their body toward you with open, relaxed arms to indicate their openness to this discussion.
  • You meet for coffee with a friend after a tough day at work. As you explain a problem you’re having with a coworker, they ask thoughtful, open-ended questions (ones that can’t be answered “yes” or “no”) to get detailed answers from you. They also summarize what you’ve said to ensure they understand your experience to better offer advice or support. 

Two-women-talking-at-counselling-session-in-an-office-boardroom-active-listening

How to be an active listener: 8 techniques to improve your active listening skills

Actively listening to your friends, family, and coworkers shows you care — and helps you get more out of each conversation. But how do you become an active listener naturally?

Here are eight techniques to improve your active listening skills:

1. Provide eye contact

Maintaining eye contact might feel intimidating, but getting past the discomfort has enormous benefits. Looking people in the eye activates the limbic mirror system, creating an understanding between the other person and us because our brain mirrors the neurons going off in their brain. 

If their eyes communicate contentment, we feel content. If they express sadness, we feel sad. And when we share an emotional state with another person through active listening, our connection and empathy for one another deepen.

2. Ask questions

Asking questions shows you want to hear more about the person’s experience and gives you more information to construct a thoughtful response. Open-ended questions are best so you gain detailed answers instead of a “yes” or “no” that shuts down the conversation. 

Different questions serve different purposes, like helping us solve a problem, directing the flow of the conversation, or reaching closure.

Man-using-laptop-with-multi-racial-colleagues-active-listening

Here are some standard questions worth adding to your repertoire when practicing active listening:

  • What worries you about this situation?
  • Why does this matter to you?
  • What would improve if you had extra time to work on this?
  • What can I do to help?
  • If you could do it over, how would you change your approach?
  • What have you learned from this?

3. Pay attention to non-verbal cues

Learning to read body language, voice tone, eye contact, and facial expressions is essential to understanding the more understated parts of a conversation. We can adjust our approach to ease hostility, accommodate nerves, or cheer someone up. Attentive, open nonverbal cues also show we’re actively listening to our audience.

4. Avoid judging

Non-judgemental active listening helps us empathize with the other person and makes them feel safe to share. We close ourselves off when we enter a conversation with preconceived notions, so keep an open mind and foster compassion to make the person feel validated. 

5. Don’t interrupt 

When we talk less and actively listen more, we show we’re not distracted thinking about ourselves. We’re also giving the other person room to think so they can express themselves without interruptions.

Be patient and wait for your turn so your audience can finish their thoughts. This is especially important when discussing an issue — you can’t solve a problem if you haven’t gained all relevant information. 

Two-Women-Sitting-Down-Taking-A-Break-From-Shopping-active-listening

6. Paraphrase

Summarizing what the speaker said is an excellent way to show you’re actively listening. Here are a few examples:

  • “You’re saying if you had an extra hour to exercise, you’d feel less stress at work?”
  • “You’re upset because when I don’t say ‘Thank you’ you feel like I don’t notice your efforts?”
  • “You think the best organic growth strategy is diversifying our social media tactics?”

7. Share similar experiences

Sharing similar experiences shows vulnerability and compassion and creates a common bond. We feel less judged and more willing to trust those with similar experiences. 

When sharing a personal example to relate to your audience, make sure you don’t hijack the conversation. Explain how the story relates to what they’ve said and quickly turn the conversation back to them. Here are a few ways to do this:

  • “I can relate — returning to work as a new mom was so difficult for me. I also felt nervous leaving my son in daycare. But I’m sure you’ll get in a groove quickly, and I’m happy to help wherever possible.” 
  • “I was in the same boat last year, having to let people go several times. It’s never easy delivering that kind of news, but you’re so kind and articulate — I have no doubt you’ll handle it well.” 
  • “When I started my first job, I was so nervous. You’re more than qualified, so I’m sure you’ll settle in just fine!”
  • “I’ve been to Paris as well. Knowing how much you love great food, you’ll have a fantastic trip.” 

Multi-ethnic-coworkers-discussing-in-office-active-listening

8. Provide feedback

Verbal feedback is an easy way to show you’re actively listening. If someone’s sharing happy news, validate their excitement with something like “That’s so exciting, you deserve it!” If they’re sharing something challenging, acknowledge their struggle by telling them, “That must be so difficult,” or “What a heavy experience, that’s a lot to take on.” 

Becoming the best conversation partner through active listening

Actively listening improves conversations for all parties. You’ll retain important information and build trusting relationships with those around you, and they’ll feel cared for and heard. 

You’re also setting an example for those around you. Once you put your active listening skills into practice, your family, friends, and coworkers may start listening more closely to what you have to say. When you give others the space to express themselves, they’ll want to do the same for you.

Elevate your communication skills

Unlock the power of clear and persuasive communication. Our coaches can guide you to build strong relationships and succeed in both personal and professional life.

Elevate your communication skills

Unlock the power of clear and persuasive communication. Our coaches can guide you to build strong relationships and succeed in both personal and professional life.

Published December 16, 2022

Maggie Wooll, MBA

Maggie Wooll is a researcher, author, and speaker focused on the evolving future of work. Formerly the lead researcher at the Deloitte Center for the Edge, she holds a Bachelor of Science in Education from Princeton University and an MBA from the University of Virginia Darden School of Business. Maggie is passionate about creating better work and greater opportunities for all.

Read Next

Professional Development
12 min read | October 4, 2022

Want a leg up in your career? Master these 11 key listening skills

Do you have better listening skills than a first grader? Probably not. Thankfully, you can change that with these 11 tips. Read More
Professional Development
18 min read | November 21, 2023

How new manager coaching sets you up for success in your next role

Ease the transition from worker to management with new manager coaching. Find out how working with a coach can help you become the leader your team needs. Read More
Professional Development
14 min read | September 22, 2023

20 marketing skills professionals should have in 2023

Want to stand out? Your marketing skills are the key to landing your next position. Learn which skills belong on your resume today. Read More
Professional Development
14 min read | October 4, 2022

10+ interpersonal skills at work and ways to develop them

Strong interpersonal skills and key for leadership and employees alike. Here are 10+ ways to develop yours and those of your team. Read More
Professional Development
16 min read | January 27, 2021

Self-management skills for a messy world

Self-management is one of those “must have” skills for today. Maybe you’ve heard it thrown around as something everyone should work on. So the good news is, you can develop... Read More
Professional Development
17 min read | June 1, 2022

Make the connection: 10 effective ways to connect with people

Learning how to connect with people can help you create more meaning in your career and personal life. Here’s how to strengthen your ability to connect. Read More
Professional Development
13 min read | June 14, 2023

Learn types of gestures and their meanings to improve your communication

Learn how to use common types of gestures and improve your interpersonal communication. Sometimes nonverbal cues tell you everything you need to know. Read More
Professional Development
17 min read | August 28, 2023

Show gratitude with “Thank you for your leadership and vision” message examples

Show your boss gratitude with a thoughtful “thank you for your leadership and vision” message. Even a short appreciation message goes a long way. Read More
Professional Development
14 min read | May 2, 2023

Power poses: How to feel more confident with body language

Power poses started with a viral TED Talk. But do they really work? Learn about the theory and how body language can make you appear more confident. Read More

Similar Articles

Professional Development 

Reading the room gives you an edge — no matter who you're talking to

Professional Development 

Want a leg up in your career? Master these 11 key listening skills

Professional Development 

Improve your interpersonal communication skills with these 6 tips

Professional Development 

The 5 business communication skills worth perfecting

Leadership & Management 

The importance of listening as a leader in the digital era

Well-being 

Learning to give and receive advice on friendship, family, and work

Well-being 

8 social skills examples: How socializing can take you to the top

Professional Development 

7 types of listening that can change your life and work

Professional Development 

Talk less, listen more: 6 reasons it pays to learn the art

Stay connected with BetterUp

Get our newsletter, event invites, plus product insights and research.