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If you feel like a failure, you’re not alone
Reframing the narrative: shift from defeat to growth
Tools for recovering after failure
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If you feel like a failure, you’re not alone
Reframing the narrative: shift from defeat to growth
Tools for recovering after failure
When you feel like a failure, you might shut down and give up on your goals. You may think that, no matter how much effort you put in, you won’t be able to achieve what you want.
It’s important to recognize feelings of failure, but knowing what to do when you have them is even more critical. This blog has the tools you need to overcome feelings of failure, build confidence, and combat negative self-perception.
First, take comfort in knowing you’re not the only one who feels this way. It’s common to feel like a failure when things don’t pan out as planned. It’s also important to remember that how you determine what failure is can change.
Everyone has different ideas about what it means to fail. This means everyone experiences failure differently.
In general, people who feel like a failure often report the following feelings:
To start feeling better, you need to understand the source of your emotions. Your feelings may go deeper than the surface-level situation that triggered them.
Here are some factors that may play a role in developing feelings of failure:
It’s not fun to feel like a failure. Besides feelings of sadness or hopelessness, focusing on failure can also cause the following:
Since mental health is intertwined with physical health, feelings of failure can also impact your body. For example, feeling depressed can cause physical health conditions like the following:
Be aware of the toll feeling like a failure can take on your well-being so you can take steps to deal with the core issue.
There are many tools you can try to shift away from feeling like a failure. They’re all rooted in addressing one common goal: changing your mindset.
Here are a few reframing exercises to overcome a fear of failure.
You may have a “bully” in your brain that doesn’t speak to you nicely. The insults it hurls at you when you’re feeling most vulnerable are a form of negative self-talk.
Giving into automatic negative thoughts, called ANTs, can cause you to view situations unfairly. Learning to recognize ANTs can help you break free from self-sabotage.
Ask yourself questions like the following to challenge negative thoughts:
These questions help you identify whether you’re judging a situation fairly and considering all the facts. They encourage you to consider if you’re letting emotional distress take too much control.
Acknowledging progress goes back to the idea of all-or-nothing thinking. When you feel like a failure, you may view situations in a way that leaves no room for middle ground. You may be overshadowing any progress you’ve made with negative thoughts.
Ask yourself, “What were the potential results of this situation?” Try to think of more options than complete success or total failure by answering questions like the following:
Reframing exercises are great for combatting feelings of failure before they appear. You can also take steps to recover if you’re currently experiencing these feelings.
Even if you didn’t get the results you wanted, you may have learned something that helps you succeed in the future. Here are a few things you can do to embrace your failures:
Ample research proves the benefits of gratitude, which include the following:
Gratitude works best when you make it a habit. Here are a few ways you can start a gratitude practice:
To set yourself up for success, set goals that are realistic, achievable, and measurable.
Use the following SMART goals framework each time you set a goal:
It sometimes takes an outside perspective to feel better about yourself. When you’re too close to a situation, viewing it from other angles can be hard.
Surround yourself with connection and community in your personal and professional life. Call on them when you’re feeling down, and give them a chance to show up for you with encouragement. Chances are, they probably won’t see your situation in the same light.
Above all else, you need to learn to forgive yourself. Consider how you would treat a close friend if they felt like a failure. You’d likely make comments like the following:
Take the time to list positive affirmations and repeat them to yourself in the mirror. Remind yourself that everyone makes mistakes. You’re still worthy of patience, love, and acceptance.
Learning to give yourself grace and self-love requires making a commitment to yourself. Shifting your mindset is something you may need to work on every day.
Practicing self-compassion is especially important when you’re feeling good about yourself. Good thoughts and feelings lay the foundation for self-compassion during tough times.
Failure is part of life. It can be a setback but also an opportunity to learn, grow, and become the best version of yourself.
Adopting a growth mindset lets you see failure as a motivator rather than a barrier. It enables you to view success as ongoing personal development. A growth mindset fuels your drive to overcome obstacles and achieve your goals.
Another way to steer yourself onto a positive path is to create a toolkit to build your confidence. A confidence toolkit can help shift negative self-perception when you feel like a failure.
Your confidence toolkit can include the following:
If you try some of these tactics and still feel like a failure, consider working with a personal coach. More than three-fourths of members say BetterUp coaching sessions are amazing or life-changing.
Step into lasting change with professional help. Find your coach now.
Whether it's overcoming challenges or reaching your full potential, our coaches are here to help.
Whether it's overcoming challenges or reaching your full potential, our coaches are here to help.
Elizabeth Perry is a Coach Community Manager at BetterUp. She uses strategic engagement strategies to cultivate a learning community across a global network of Coaches through in-person and virtual experiences, technology-enabled platforms, and strategic coaching industry partnerships.
With over 3 years of coaching experience and a certification in transformative leadership and life coaching from Sofia University, Elizabeth leverages transpersonal psychology expertise to help coaches and clients gain awareness of their behavioral and thought patterns, discover their purpose and passions, and elevate their potential. She is a lifelong student of psychology, personal growth, and human potential as well as an ICF-certified ACC transpersonal life and leadership Coach.
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